Friday Funny News

24 April

Who doesn’t love mobility scooters? Maybe someone will chav one up one day and put a 3.0L Ford Cosworth engine in but until then, we salute this guy…

Pensioner on mobility scooter drives onto M20

After taking a seriously wrong turn an 89 year old man was caught “driving” along the hard shoulder of the M20 at Cheriton, near Folkestone, Kent.

Police were called in as cars, lorries and coaches hurtled past the man at 70mph,

He was eventually caught doing an impressive 8 mph (3 more miles and he could have got that baby upto 10!) and picked up by officers who took him home.

A Kent Police spokesman: “We received reports that a mobility scooter was travelling on the hard shoulder of the M20 on the London-bound carriageway”.

He was stopped at junction 11a and driven home with his scooter.

I can’t imagine how he ended up taking such a wrong turn, I wonder where he’d have gone if no one had stopped him?

Next story, I can’t ever type or say smokin’ without think of the cringe worthy phrase from the movie The Mask, but it’s worth it for this…

Smokin’ Sparrow

A cig loving sparrow is being blamed for a fire that caused quater of a million pounds of damage to a shop in Lincolnshire.

Paul Sheriff, 48, who runs Crescent Stores in Leasingham, was initially at a loss as to what caused the blaze, but 6 weeks on, insurance investigators have told him that they discovered 35 cigarette ends in the roof.

Their conclusion was a sparrow must have picked up a smouldering butt to feather its nest in the roof, causing the blaze.

Mr Sheriff, a non-smoker, said: “The shop was a total mess. All the suspended ceilings came down, all the electrics were down, all the fridges were broken, it was horrendous.”

A spokesman for his insurance company AXA said: “We believe it’s the first case of its kind we’ve ever had to deal with. We had to bring in a specialist to investigate.

‘I’ve certainly never come across this sort of thing before. It’s strange to think how such a little bird armed with such a small object could cause such chaos”

It reminds me of those ‘Bat Bombs’ the US developed in WWII – a little bomb strapped to a little suicidal bat.

 Don’t forget to check out all our comedy and offensive t-shirts

Jackalope, the Friday Rabbit.