Maggot Man Devours Records
Charlie Bell smashed the one-hour record for transporting maggots in his mouth, but did admit afterwards that “It was disgusting”.
The record-breaker told The Sun: “I’ve been practicing at home with rice for months, but until that day I’d never had a mouth full of maggots. In total Charlie transported a whopping 17kg of maggots in an hour.
“I didn’t realise that they would smell so revolting”, he added. “It was like putting my head down a filthy public toilet. I was gagging and heaving violently but I was determined to do it.”
The record previously stood at 15kg, but Charlie isn’t so sure he’d try again if someone beat his current mark.
“If someone beats the maggot record, they’re welcome to it”, he told a local paper.
Pretty nasty eh? It makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it, I can’t imagine why he’d bother trying to beat that unless he has some sort of maggot craving. Dont forget to check out our funny, rude and humorous t-shirts
I’m a bit keen on UFO’s and anything X-files esque so here’s something else too:
UFO “saved Earth”
Dr Yuri Labvin, head of the Tunguska Spatial Phenomenon Foundation claims to have found quartz slabs with strange markings that he thinks were part of a UFO control panel.
He made the discovery near the site of the so-called “Tunguska event” – a huge and as yet unexplained explosion that destroyed more than 100 square miles of Siberian forest in 1908.
Dr Labvin now claims the quartz slabs provide evidence that a spacecraft deliberately crashed into the meteor to prevent it slamming into Earth and wiping out life on the planet.
“We don’t have any technologies that can print such kind of drawings on crystals,” he comments- “We also found ferrum silicate that can not be produced anywhere, except in space.”
However, Nick Pope, a British UFOlogist who has investigated sightings on behalf of the Ministry of Defence, is unconvinced.
While previous explanations for the explosion include a comet strike or a piece of anti-matter, he told the paper, “This new theory is the strangest yet.”
Sounds about right.. they saved us so they can continue probing our anuses (and we can continue pretending we don’t like it).
To celebrate the fact that half the UK now seems to be unemployed we thought this choice of funny shirt was pretty appropriate (or should that be inappropriate?) well, anyway here is todays pick:
If you’d like to buy one of the funny t-shirts click here
Imagine the fun you’ll have wearing it in the dole queue? I’m not quite sure how you’d get to be unemployee of the month, I’d bet it consists of eating lots of takeaway, drinking lots of lager and blowing the rest of your cash on an expensive TV subscription.
Anyway, you should with your last eleven pounds buy this shirt, maybe on the back we should write “your taxes paid for this t-shirt” just to rub it in, but we haven’t so there, it goes without saying I think.
Like most of our shirts it comes in a range of five colours, pink, pale blue, black, navy blue but my personal favourite is red, it’s the most striking and it looks a little bit like the sort of red t-shirt you might see a staff member wearing at B&Q or, back in the day, Woolworths.
Remember to check out the rest of our t-shirts while you’re here, they all rock.
Jackalope, the funny bunny.
So I was looking at this one this morning just before it was posted off to some lucky customer and it’s one of the most funny t-shirts on teesbox i reckon.
Click here to buy one of these funny t-shirts
If you’re from the UK, you’ll get this t-shirt – if you’re from Canada, the US or Aus it’ll confuse the hell out of you. The reason is in most of the world, soccer ain’t called soccer, it’s called football.
Here’s the thing, let’s take US football, NFL to be precise, why the heck’s it even called football?
Check out this picture, I’d call it handball, except that’s already a sport, how about throwball? Sounds lame right? That’s why you’ve had to steal the name ‘football’ but then you’ve gotten all “WTF?” with “soccer” and had to think of a crazy name for it.
One thing that does ammuse and confuse me about soccer in the US is that it’s thought of as a rich kids game, the exact opposite of here in the UK. I wonder how it got that image? You dont exactly need a load of stuff to play it, shoes and a ball? I think most of you can afford that, and if you can’t afford that get off our site and stop wasting our bandwidth ‘cos you can’t afford any funny t-shirts.
Jackalope – the ball loving bunny.
The second installment of our countdown, make sure to check out the funny first part here.
12. Jaws (most notable song: “Jaws Music” by John Williams)
Duh dun, duh dun, we always know that infamous Jaws music written by John Williams in 1975, for the last 35 years you can’t go near the sea or pool without some smartass humming this one. We all know Great White sharks aren’t quite as vicious as it makes them out to be in this movie, but it wouldn’t be much fun if it just swam round like some giant Nemo or something would it?
11. Pulp Fiction (most notable song: “Girl, you’ll be a woman soon” by Urge Overkill)
I can’t believe this movie is from 1994, I think of it as one of the more modern movies I like, I guess looking at this list, it probably is.
Like everyone else in the world, I love the intertwining but easy to follow storyline- it makes us all feel smart that we can understand it.
Great retro soundtrack but Urge Overkill’s cover of Neil Diamond’s ‘Girl, You’ll be a woman soon” is exceptional brilliance.
10. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (most notable song: “Dream Warriors” by Dokken )
Ahh, Freddie. This is a decent sequel, probably the best sequel of the bunch – and there’s plenty to choose from. It’s the only one other than the original with Heather Langenkamp (that’s Nancy Thompson) in it.
I love the puppet veins thingy, funny, and gory, what more could you ask for? A hot blonde topless nurse making out with a horny teen? That’s in there too.
Anyway, this has a track by the 80’s metal stars Dokken – Dream Warriors is one of the coolest (in a geeky way) tracks from the late 80’s and I love it. so nerr. They also did ‘Into The Fire’ on that movie which is well worth checking out.
While you’re here check out this funny and rude t-shirt:
Click here to buy one of these funny rude t-shirts
9. American Beauty (most notable song: Theme song by Thomas Newman)
Rose petals never got in the way as much as they did in this 1999 movie.
The theme music for this movie is amazing, most of you probably know it as Jakarta “American Dream” which heavily samples it.
8. The Lost Boys (most notable song: “People Are Strange” by Echo and The Bunnymen)
What I like about this movie is the fact that there’s pretty much no substance, it’s just an excuse for a bunch of actors to dress in cool leathers with 80’s hair do’s and run around to rock music. “Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.” And it really does look pretty fun as long as you’re no-where near Sunnydale. Speaking of which this movie invented the much used Buffy phrase “vamp out”…quite the legacy. There was suppost to be a “lost girls” sequel but it wasn’t made, but a sequel did come out in 2008, Lost Boys: The Tribe, it’s suppost to suck (pardon the bad vampire pun). Whatever.. the soundtrack is pretty damn awesome, Roger Daltry covers Elton John’s “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”, and Echo and The Bunnymen cover The Doors’ “People Are Strange”. Don’t forget to check out the very over the top gothic song ‘Cry Little Sister’ by Gerard McMahon too. Don’t leave without visiting our funny t-shirts
Jackalope
China demolishes sex theme park
About the size of two football pitches, the sex theme park, named Love Land included displays of giant neon-lit genitalia and a photographic exhibition on the history of sex, as well as a workshop, aimed at improving the visitors technique.
However, it was bound to upset some, talking about sex in China is still very much a taboo- never mind taking a roller-coaster ride inside an oversized thong clad ass.
On the 19th of May 2009, Chinese authorities ordered the rude Love Land to be demolished before its expected openening in October.
Loveland entrance
Boo, it sounds interesting to say the least, but fear not my sordid dirt monkeys, there’s one in South Korea, here are some curious pics we’ve found of it.
The lady at the top must be uncomfortable, she’ll break her neck doing that, and the one at the bottom isn’t getting a good deal, she’s giving head and holding up another head but getting nothing in return, maybe theyre suppost to rotate every 2 mins to stop everyone getting worn out or pissed off they ain’t getting any.
Now I love this photo, the woman there is trying her best to pretend it’s just a regular park bench “I wonder if the buses run regularly round here?”
It’s not over till the fat lady screams.
Don’t forget to check out our rude t-shirts
Jackalope
All new t-shirts are here of a seriously rude and suggestive nature.
Click here to buy one of these rude drilling t-shirts
So why not offer your drilling services out today? Maybe you can even make a little money putting your bit into holes.
You know, i searched wikipedia for some drill ideas, like what to write here it contained the word “hand tools” which made me chuckle, and also drills tend to be cheaper in the UK than the US (yawn), which is odd actually ‘cos us folks in the UK normally get rip off prices for everything.
But one thing that really stood out to me on that wikipedia page was one of the images, it’s not the normal rude girlie pictures that normally catch ones eye, instead it was a funny looking kid with a drill. (see below)
I enlarged the pic and found it said Boy with Down Syndrome assembling a book case. Maybe it’s just me but I’d be reluctant to give any kid that age (what is he, like 7?) a power tool, never mind one that’s got a problem. I’m impressed though, I tried to drill a hole through a plastic plant pot the other day with one and it was harder than I assumed it would be. Mainly cos the battery was low I think. Keep on drillin’ kid, keep on drilling.
Dont forget to check out the rest of our tees, and good news, we now sell our funny t-shirts on amazon, though they’re cheaper here anyway, so who know’s why you’d want to buy them there, but whatever.
Jackalope you’re rude slave of information and disabilities.
I think these ‘Your country hates you’ offensive t-shirts are pretty appropriate at the moment:
Click here to purchase one of these offensive t-shirts
Like every media outlet in the UK we just can’t turn a blind eye to corrupt politicians, our leaders who are suppost to be our trusted role models, but in reality they’re worse than the rest of us put together.
So for all of you reading this we’ve got our top 5 take the piss expenses claimed by UK politicans that we’ve all had to chip in for, some are just plain offensive.
Number 5:
Brian Gibbons’ remembrance wreath
Labour Minister for Social Justice and local government remembered to claimed back £16.50 for his British Royal Legion wreath. World War veterans will be so proud.
Number 4:
Caroline Spelman’s nanny
It’d make a good title for a horror movie would Caroline Spelman’s nanny, but that’s besides the point, however her expenses do make for horrifying reading.. she hired a nanny- Tina Haynes who, in exchange for looking after the three children recieved free board and lodgings, but no money, however that didn’t stop Spelman claiming £13,000 on her expenses a year pretending it was her wage.
Number 3:
Bill Butler’s £1 charity donation
The Labour member of scottish parliament for Glasgow Anniesland tried to claim back the princely sum of one whole British pound (that’s £1 in normal speak) for a charitable donation a hotel made on his behalf.
Don’t forget to check out our offensive and rude t-shirts
Number 2:
Derek Conway’s son/parliamentary assistant
Senior Consevative MP Derek Conway used his expenses to “employ” his teen son, Fredrick despite the fact he was studying Geography full time at Newcastle University. He was paid up to £11,773/year for his hard work, which he never showed up for according to the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards.
Number 1:
Jacqui Smith’s blue movies
You knew it was comming, Smith claimed 2 adult movies on her expenses at £5.99 each. State funded porn- I never thought I’d see the day. It’s horrifying using public money to pay for this, haven’t they ever heard of the internet?
We’re not that obsessed with why we’ve picked these ten, sometimes it’s based on the official soundtrack CD, sometimes it’s based just on one song used in the movie that’s not even original or unique to the film, whatever, we’re always right and you know it you bastards. Oh yeah, and if you’re wondering “why the hell is this top 10 list starting at number 17?” the answer is cos I thought of 7 other ones, duh, this ain’t VH1 you know.
17. A clockwork orange (most notable song: “Singin’ in the Rain”, Gene Kelly)
A great Stanley Kubrick film to start the list and one of my all time favorite movies. Alex DeLarge’s ’singing in the rain’ during the rape scene is an over the top masterpiece. After seeing it it’s impossible to asociate Gene Kelly’s hit with anything other than this movie. Don’t forget all the fancy classical music used, difficult to do but some how it works.
16. Reservoir Dogs (most notable song: “Stuck in the Middle” by Stealers Wheel)
The first soundtrack produced by Quentin Tarantino, in 1992. The song we all know and love because of this movie… Stuck in the Middle, bizzarely played during the torture scene. It made this cheesey and pretty damn odd ball song famous for another generation. Check out the video by the way, it’s funny and revolting.
They turned this into a video game in 2006, it missed me did that, it’s suppost to suck anyway. Pfft, I hate it when they do that.
Track listing
“And Now Little Green Bag…” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:15
“Little Green Bag” by The George Baker Selection – 3:15
“Rock Flock of Five” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:11
“Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede – 2:53
“Bohemiath” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:34
“I Gotcha” by Joe Tex – 2:27
“Magic Carpet Ride” by Bedlam – 5:10
“Madonna Speech” (Dialogue extract performed by Quentin Tarantino, Edward Bunker, Lawrence Tierney, Steve Buscemi and Harvey Keitel) – 0:59
“Fool for Love” by Sandy Rogers – 3:25
“Super Sounds” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:19
“Stuck in the Middle” by Stealers Wheel – 3:23
“Harvest Moon” by Bedlam – 2:38
“Let’s Get a Taco” (Dialogue extract performed by Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth) – 1:02
“Keep on Truckin’” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:16
“Coconut” by Harry Nilsson – 3:50
“Home of Rock” (Dialogue extract performed by Steven Wright) – 0:05
15. The Exorcist (most notable song: “Tubular Bells” by Mike Oldfield)
Can you believe there’s only one Exorcist CD out there that includes Tubular Bells? It’s a rare Japanese import too. But I bet you can’t think of any other songs to do with this movie? Anyway The Exorcist made this song super famous, and got it stuck in the charts here in the UK for a whole 5 years! One of the most distinctive songs you’ll hear on any film soundtrack.
I was told that if I watched this movie I might faint and all sorts of crazy stuff, I heard of people having re-occuring nightmares, mental breakdowns, miscarriages…maybe I didn’t concentrate hard enough. To make it less scary for these fragile folks two rather funny edits were made in some cuts shown on TV.. “Your mother sucks cocks in hell” became “Your mother still rots in hell” and “Shove it up your ass, you faggot” became “Shut your face, you maggot”. Haha, lame, I’d feel pretty cheated not hearing those lines. I love the spider walk scene, I met someone who could actually do it once, impressive stuff. I love the cover/poster for this film, don’t know why.
Dont forget to check out this music related funny t-shirt, exclusive to teesbox t-shirts
14. Blue Velvet (most notable song: “In Dreams” by Roy Orbison)
A dark combination of classic and modern pop songs to match the movies percuilar neo-noir feel. One of the first soundtracks by Angelo Badalamenti, who has gone on to work on many movies soundtracks including A Nightmare on Elm Street and Lost Highway. We love the scene where Ben lip-syncs to Roy Orbisons ‘In Dreams’ which sends Frank (Dennis Hopper) into a serious rage.
13. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (most notable song: Time Warp)
I normally hate musicals, even those musical episodes of Simpsons or the bouts of singing in Family Guy make me cringe, but Rocky Horror is the one exception to this rule. It’s difficult to explain this over-sexed cult classic, just watch it, it’s funny (in a ‘ha ha’ way and a ‘what the hell?!’ way).
Jackalope -Stay tuned for PART II, more music soundtracks and funny t-shirts to come.
So we’ve got a fine new comedy t-shirt added to our funny t-shirts collection today:
Click here to buy one of these the man the legend comedy t-shirts
Here’s a few favourite legends to celebrate the legend of the trouser monster:
Bigfoot
AKA Sasquatch, a large ape-like creature said to be approx 7 feet tall, looking like a giant gorrila crossed with a man, the Patterson-Gimlin film(below) is what everyone thinks of with this legend (either that or those Bigfoot comedy movies/shows of the 80’s and 90’s- Harry and the Henderson etc). Similar to the Bigfoot is the yeti – bigfoots are supposed inhabitants of North America, the Yeti on the other hand is said to live in Himalayan region of Nepal and Tibet. We wouldn’t fancy meeting either on a dark night (or a light night for that matter).
Loch Ness Monster
Nessie became famous in the 1930’s after a photo of a strange creature was made by Robert Kenneth Wilson(below), though it was revealed to by a hoax in 1994, and was infact a toy submarine with a neck made out of plastic wood. Funny.. that guy musta had a lot of time on his hands.
My personal favourite:
Jackalope
This stag bunny, how’s this a legend, i’m sat here typing to you right now? Well anyway here’s a sketch of one of my fore-fathers from 1575 by Joris Hoefnagel. Legend has it we only breed during electrical storms, but seriously that ain’t right, we got the horn all the time, and our sperms are the size of UK 10p pieces.
Jackalope, the t-shirts loving “legend”, later.
Man warned by police over chicken poo catapult
A businessman who had been the victim of several break-ins and an arson attempt decided a huge catapult was his only option. Based on the design of a Roman boulder-throwing ballista, it was originally (and rather strangley) built as a way of firing his wife, Mary across the River Avon in 1976, as part of a stunt act, however Mr Weston-Webb made his money making flooring, which is the business now protected by the catapult.
He was able to modify the weapon to fire chicken poo when an alarm is triggered by an intruder. He has also devised two other weapons to catch the vandals out, a cannon that fires railway sleepers(aka railroad ties)- they have a sharpened end, with a rubber ball stuck on it, which Mr Weston-Webb insists is designed simply to knock their hoods and hats off enabling CCTV cameras to see their faces, and an exploding coffin – the coffin isn’t a great success as the criminals actually would need to climb inside it to be exploded out, but you never know.
Police have advised him to remove the weapons as the setting up of booby traps isn’t permitted under UK laws.
Maybe it’s just us weaklings at Teesbox Funny T-shirts but I’m pretty sure a whole railway sleeper flying through the air into us would do alot more than knock our hats off- I’m pretty sure it’d take our heads with it. They should let this guy design weapons for the army- the enemy wouldn’t know what hit them. The exploding coffin especially is pure Monty Python, fingers crossed one of the robbers decides to have a nap in it soon, if it gets caught on CCTV it’ll be a YouTube #1 hit for the next 150 years.. at least. Incidentally, for those of you wondering if he managed to fire his wife across the River Avon, the answer is yes, she made it right to other side and landed in the net which bounced her straight back into the water.
Jackalope
