Public Health Warning
Holy crap, that’s right – this is a health warning from a funny t-shirt company… It’s about our new killer friend Swine Flu, a type of influenza virus that killed 50 million folks in 1918, and 25 million in ’76, so if you see him walking (or driving his blue Hyundai with a five year warranty) down the street, you’d better avoid him, here’s a pic of the flu so you know what to look out for:
Don’t fuck with him, he can give you a runny nose and sore throat, the 80 ish people who’ve caught it aren’t laughing, they’re coughing a bit. Notice how bright green he is? We don’t know why either. Perhaps it’s got some chlorophyll in it and is planning to mutate into nettle flu.
At Teesbox t-shirts we’re branching out into medicine, remember Bird Flu? And now Swine Flu? Well we’ve figured next on the list is Goat Flu.. we’re planning to get making it already so whilst you’re all still swabbing pig anus, we’ll be making goat flu money.
But we don’t want all you loyal customers reading this to pass away from a mild headache and sneezing fit before we get to the goat flu, so here are some tips to avoiding becoming a victim of the old swine flu:
Firstly, don’t get intimate with a pig, it’s tempting, we know, but don’t. Not even orally.
Secondly, and this is the important bit.. stay the hell away from everyone and everything. They’re all diseased wretches now. We wondered how we can help save humanity, and have decided it is our civic duty as good British citizens to give you a range of rude and sometimes offensive t-shirts to keep everyone well away from your heavenly body.
It’ll make you look too angry to approach, and therefore could save your life, better than drugs (maybe).
If people think you’re wanting to kill them, they’re less likely to go near you and give you their nasty illness. If everyone had worn this in Raccoon City, we doubt there’d have been any problems.
If you cant’ beat ‘em, join ‘em – maybe it’d be better if a few people went anyway? Cheer swine flu on with this offensive shirt. And finally, our favourite t-shirt for keeping everyone far, far away – where they belong..
Stay healthy, and always wash your hands after playing with yourself. Jackalope, the paranoid pandemic rabbit of doom.