A fine new shirt in our midst today, without further wasting of time here it is:
Click here to buy one of these rude t-shirts right now!
I wasn’t sure what to say on this one, but old wikipedia helped me out as per usual, check out the table below, and see how generous your testicles are:
| Time after first ejaculation (months) |
Average volume (milliliter) |
Liquification | Average sperm concentration (million sperm/milliliter) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | 0.5 | No (1) | 0 |
| 6 | 1.0 | No (1) | 20 |
| 12 | 2.5 | No/Yes (2) | 50 |
| 18 | 3.0 | Yes (3) | 70 |
| 24 | 3.5 | Yes (3) | 80 |
Note 1 – Ejaculate is jellylike and fails to liquify.
Note 2 – Most samples liquify. Some remain jellylike.
Note 3 – Ejaculate liquifies within an hour.
Haha jelly like 
It’s a pity it doesn’t have ages on rather than just time after blowing your load for the first time, but if you haven’t noticed yourself, it decreases from then on, here’s a wiki quote to prove it:
The force and amount of semen that will be ejected during an ejaculation will vary widely between men and may contain between 0.1 and 11 milliliters.
I reckon I produce about 50 milliliters, maybe more. It’s kinda like a supersoaker except the pumping action is more interesting, and it’s not for kids! so yes, get buying this new rude t-shirt, maybe if you go and donate some sperm the nurse at the clinic will be so impressed with the message on your shirt she’ll want to come and watch you, or maybe even help a little.
I like this story, maybe he could come in and do a guest comment on our blog or something. That’d rock.
The PA announcer at Leicester railway station is brightening up passengers’ journeys with his very own thought for the day.
John Palmer, 56, gives passengers a short pearl of wisdom, fact, or piece of nonsense once a day, reports the Daily Telegraph.
On the 24 June, he reminded passengers that the Battle of Bannockburn in the Scottish Wars of Independence was fought on this day in 1314.
Earlier on this week he asked: “Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?” which is a good point, and last week he reminded passengers: “When in Rome, a street map of Cape Town isn’t much use.”
He began making unusual announcements while a guard on trains between Derby and London.
He said: “I was telling passengers the train was pulling into St Pancras and reminding them not leave behind any luggage or personal belongings.
“I suddenly decided to slip in at the end of the announcement the question ‘Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?’ I got some favourable comments and the next week I decided to do it again and it’s really just built up from there.
“I do it because it’s a harmless way of brightening up people’s days and perhaps because it puts a bit of personality to the voice behind the tannoy.”
A spokesman for East Midlands Trains said: “We’re always getting a positive feedback from passengers and staff and certainly hope John will carry on what he is doing.”
I like the sound of this guy, it’s a simple and clever idea and it’s surely gotta make those boring waits on the station a bit more interesting and quirky.
Before you go out to play in the summer sun remember to check out our hilarious teesbox t-shirts they’ll make you laugh, they’ll make you buy (we hope).
Jackalope.
Ah pick number 17, for this I think we’ll pick thiiiis…
Click here to buy one of these funny as hell t-shirts
These seem to be selling very well at the moment, and why wouldn’t they? They have multiple different uses, like, well a t-shirt, an excuse to be nasty to everyone you know and to make people laugh and think you’re super cool and witty.
We all know you’re not, but there’s no harm in tricking other people into believing it. So there you have it, the t-shirt that does it all, it makes people laugh, cry and keeps you slightly warmer than if you walked around topless (which, by the way, doesn’t make you look very cool at all- unless you’re a busty lady).
It comes in five colours, red, pale blue, black, navy blue and pink and in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and a spectacular XXL plus ladies fitted sizes 10 and 12 to show your curves off – there’s no extra charges whichever size and colour combination you pick and postage is free anywhere in the UK and pretty damn cheap fo the rest of the world. So get buying. While you’re here you might as well have a look at the rest of our comedy t-shirts to see if there’s anything else that captures ones eye. Remember for every £10 you spend with us, 0% goes to charity. Ah the generosity of it all.
Finally a rude t-shirt, we do rude and offensive shirts too but as I guess you may or may not have noticed there’s a lot of general comedy, which is fine but I love a good rude one.
Whatever, here’s the t-shirt:
and, as always, click here to buy this rude t-shirt
So what can I say, for all you MILF’s out there this is the shirt for you. And we think this is a pretty big market, there’s lots of slightly older hotties out there.
I’m always suprised by how many people don’t get these acronyms, if you’re wondering what the hell a MILF is just type it in on Google (preferably image search it for extra titillation). Failing that, just check out the very slightly rude and a little hot pic below:
If you’re wondering where I got such a picture I’ll let you in on a little secret, I wander round town with a camera waiting for exciting opportunities to see body parts I shouldn’t be able to see…that and laughing at other peoples funny t-shirts of course.
SO if you ever see a Jackalope taking photos up your skirt and down your top please oblige by removing your panties and/or slipping your bra off. It’s a public service.
Don’t forget to have a butchers at our homepage, full of the funniest, rudest and most obscene t-shirts in the UK.
For my 16th pick I’ve chosen this..err.. tasty little t-shirt.
Click here to buy one of these hilarious, slightly rude, funny t-shirts
If you’ve ever eaten a certain brand of butter (or I guess not butter) – which I add this t-shirt is in no way affiliated with and you’ve ever seen a cat lickin’ its ass you’ll get this t-shirt.
I was thinking, shouldn’t cats and dogs evolve or something to use paper, BUT, maybe it is them who has evolved and us that’s left in the dark ages either having to use a paper or leaf or some such or even getting some one else to lick our ass holes for us. I bet all the cats and dogs out there are pissing themselves laughing at us mere humans wiping away like Kimberly-Clark junkies.
Like all our shirts this is exclusive to teesbox.com, click here to check out the rest of our t-shirts
It’s available in a range of colours and seven different sizes, from a ladies fitted size 10 right up to an extra extra large size. If you can perform the stunt of licking your own ass (and aren’t a cheater who’s had some ribs removed) we’d love to hear from you.
Jackalope – the funny bunny.
Oops shit I’ve left this next installement for ages, I bet you’re all sweating right, thinking I’ve forgotten it? Well, here it is:
5. Terminator II: Judgment Day (most notable song: You Could Be Mine by Guns ‘n’ Roses)
Probably my fave Guns n Roses song ever was written for this movie. I noticed if you listen closely on Terminator 4 (which incidentally I was suprised at how good it was) you’ll hear them play this again, but T2 did it first so I’m sticking with it. I bought dozens of Guns n roses t-shirts due to this song.
Who’d have thought a sequel about robots from the future could ever actually be good? It sounds like some shitty B-movie, I’m sure there are lots of crappy robot films out there, I can’t think of any, but maybe it’s good that I haven’t wasted my time seeing them. Ignoring the great storyline and nice sounds, I can’t help but mention the visuals, mainly the t-1000 which still look realistic and pretty 18 years on. It’s not just me I doubt that surely wonders why Skynet doesn’t focus more of its efforts on building T-1000′s and forget the outdated 800′s? Maybe it’ll read this in the [fictional] future and be all “by heck, he’s on to something” or some such about it.
6..The Graduate (most notable song: “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon & Garfunkel)
Who doesn’t like this movie? Get seduced by an older woman and then getting to do her daughter too, what’s not to love? Remember the hilariously funny Simpsons episode where Grandpa Simpson falls for Marge’s mum and at the end of the show they play a rip off Simon & Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence? Ha. Amazing. Anyway, folk rock might not be the most glam of music or the coolest but secretly everyone loves it.
Remember to check out all our funny and rude t-shirts by clicking here to visit teesbox funny t-shirts.
7 Trainspotting (most notable song: too many to choose from)
Such a great soundtrack, there’s too many songs to pick, take a look at the listings from the soundtrack so you can see what I mean:
“Lust for Life” – Iggy Pop
“Carmen Suite No.2″ – Georges Bizet
“Deep Blue Day” – Brian Eno
“Trainspotting” – Primal Scream
“Temptation” – Heaven 17
“Atomic” – Sleeper
“Temptation” – New Order
“Atomic” – Blondie
“Nightclubbing” – Iggy Pop
“Sing” – Blur
“Perfect Day” – Lou Reed
“Dark and Long (Dark Train)” – Underworld
“Think About the Way” – Frisco Vs. Ice MC
“Mile End” – Pulp
“For What You Dream Of” (Full-on Renaissance Mix) – Bedrock featuring KYO
” – 2:1″ – Elastica
“Hertzlich Tut Mich Verlangan” – Gabor Lehotka
“Two Little Boys” – Ewen Bremner
“A Final Hit” – Leftfield
“Statuesque” – Sleeper
“Born Slippy .NUXX” – Underworld
“Closet Romantic” – Damon Albarn
There’s something for everyone, Iggy Pop, Blondie, Lou Reed etc. etc. how can one single movie have so many great sounds? It shouldn’t be allowed! Maybe if I’d thought first I’d have put it higher up my list, but like so many things recently it’s been left out..Booo. Infact, maybe I’d have been better putting this list in no particular order come to think of it…
Witches claim religious Discrimination
Sandra Davis – High Priestess at the Crystal Cauldron – had reserved Our Lady’s Social Club in Shaw Heath, Stockport for her Pagan group’s Annual Witches’ Ball. But when she rang to make payment arrangements she was told the event could not be held there and – despite already having printed tickets – another venue must be found.
The Diocese of Shrewsbury have since confirmed witches are not ‘compatible with the Catholic ethos’.
Sandra, 61, said: “I’m appalled.
“My congregation is shocked that in this day and age there can be such religious discrimination.
We’re normal people who follow an earth-based religion and want to enjoy ourselves. We thought we were bridging the gap with other religions but misconceptions still exist, like we sacrifice animals. ”
“Does the church check everyone’s beliefs before allowing them in the club?
“Now we need another venue for at least 100 people with a stage for entertainment. At this point that’s going to be very difficult.”
Sandra, of Bridge Hall, set up the Crystal Cauldron as a pagan meeting place and hopes to turn it into a temple.
This year’s ball was planned for October and Sandra agreed to hire the social club for £175.
But the Reverend John Joyce, from the Diocese of Shrewsbury, said there was no way the event could go ahead.
“Parish centres under our auspices let their premises on the understanding users and their organisations are compatible with the ethos and teachings of the Catholic church,” he said.
“In this instance, we aren’t satisfied such requirements are met.”
Burn them, burn them all!
I kid, I kid.
Yeah another, already. Old summer has swelled our balls with heat and our brains with new, even funnier t-shirt ideas.
So here it is, your moment is in:
Click here to buy
No longer will people be all like:
“You Used to be cool maaaan”
or
“you’ve changed”
and that sort of bullshit, prove to them that you were never cool, and you know it (which is an ironically cool thing to think, maybe?) Well whatever. We like it, and maybe this way people will know you’re a Sci-fi, comic, book reading nerd, always have been, always will be. At least you ain’t pretending “oh when I was at school i was the most popular kid in class” …keep on dreaming.
It comes in a mighty fine 3 colours, though, if it’s Summer (which for those of you too wasted/dumb to know, it is Summer now) we prefer a light blue, it’s pretty. All our t-shirts come in sizes small, medium, large, extra large, XL and a grand XXL, as well as two ladies fitted sizes – 10 and 12 UK to let them show off their in and out bits.
Well that’s all there is to say I reckon, so off I go
Jackalope, the funny t-shirt specialist.
Ah sweet a new funny t-shirt.
This ones beer related too, cos everyone loves drinking so everyone can buy it and make us moderately rich so we’re at least able to rent a mansion, hire a Rolls Royce and see an STD free call girl- if such a thing exists, which we doubt it does.
Anyway enough with the ramblings, to the t-shirts:
Click here to buy one of these funny comedy t-shirts right now.
Not only will it make you and other people laugh, they’ll think you’re too cool to care about washboard abs and shit like that. Which is good, as it leaves more time for drinky drinky and it’s an excuse to eat more.
The more of a belly you have the funnier this will be, looking around at the people I see, 90% of them are out of shape so if you’re reading this the odds are you should purchase this fine garment to (probably) make your life a little bit better. Plus ladies might ask you how you’re suppost to get the drink, and you can unzip your pants and show them your tap. Some one might fall for it…I guess.
It comes in 5 great colours, and sizes right upto XX Large, so even the biggest barrel (aka belly) will fit into it.
Later, Jackalope
wow-ee,XV! Howtime flys when you’re having fun.
OK so here’s todays random t-shirt funny pick thing…
Click here to buy this funny t-shirt
Ok so it’s clearly a pun on sexual predator (which I can only assume is a horny Predator – of the Alien vs Predator kind) but we’ve all had textual predators, you know those people who can’t leave you alone for five seconds without making your phone make that stupid “you’ve got text” noise.
And what’s worse it’s ays for something really dumb and pointless “I’m at McDonalds! LOL”, wow big deal. Aleast when people Twitter this shit you dont have to put up with it being a personal message directed at you and having your phone beep. You know they’re only doing it too so they’ll get lots of replies and make everyone think they’re popular.
I heard this thing ages ago on the news about some teenage girl who’sent like 3000 texts in a day, what a waste, she should be learning how to pleasure men, not fiddle with phones.
Anway, this supercool t-shirt is available in pink, navy bl, pale blue, black and a vivid red. It also comes sizes S through to the mighty XXL.
Get it bought. Now. Jackalope.
Yep we’ve finally resorted to the cutesy animal stories, but everyone loves dogs, right?
Nutty dog chases squirrel 50ft up a tree
Bruce the dog was left trapped for over five hours up a tree before being reunited with his owners Glenice and Barry Clapperton.
He had dashed off during his morning walkies in Kirkby-in-Ashfield, Nottinghamshire.
Barry said: “He’s only about 15 months old and he’s a bit mischievous but he doesn’t normally do that kind of thing!
“We were a bit worried while he was up there because it was about 50ft up – but as soon as he was back down he was back running around again like nothing had happened.”
RSPCA inspector Tina McAdams says the incident was a first for her.
“We got him down on all fours eventually with the help of a tree surgeon who came out to help,” she said. “If I hadn’t have seen it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it!”
Funny stuff, the tree surgeon titles is the most funny thing of all, it’s just a bloke with a ladder and a saw, it’s a pretty pretentious title if you ask me.
Dont forget to check out all our funny and humorous t-shirts only at teesbox.com
Yeah, so today was a “teesbox funny t-shirts boardmeeting” yeah, that’s right we have board meetings just like Microsoft and stuff but ours are beer fueled, so don’t be all like “oh jackalope, your typing sucks today” or “your grammar is lame” and stuff today, because, like any respectable cool person I’ve had plenty of drink.
So err, yeah I’d like to take the chance to endorse some beer t-shirty thing, umm let me look, this will do.
Yeah buy this obscene and funny t-shirt now
Yup, buy it. If you buy us drink and you’re pretty and have gicantic (am i spelling that right?) breasts we might be interested, but only if you were born (and still are) a lady.
No boys please. Speaking of all those in-y and out-y bits we noticed one of our team members going to frequent a toilet rather often where topless -and sometimes bottomless ladies were on show, coincidence, we think not! It’s either that or his psycho hose beast ex was down there too.
I’m sure he’ll be thrilled anyway if he ever reads this and realises I’ve blogged about him in our funny t-shirt blog to the whole entire world. Ha. Funny.
Anyway, whatever. Jackalope.
So Tetris is 25 years old. Wow. We thought we’d celebrate this with 15 of our fave games from back in the day (in no special order)…plus a few funny and humorous shirts mixed in of course. We ain’t here for nowt ya’ know.
Super Mario (1983 onwards)
I’m not going to say a whole lot about Mario, there’s too many games to list, and you know all about him anyway.
cannon fodder (1993)
Dark humour and a bit of social commentary is hidden behind this game. “War has never been so much fun”.
Elite (1984)
Flying around in deep space trading stuff and fighting enemies every now and then may not sound exciting, but it was. The best trading game there is with the exception of Escape Velocity on the Macintosh from the mid 90′s, which I’d have included on this list except for the fact no-one’s heard of it.
Goldeneye 007 (1997)
The best multiplayer first person shooter ever made. With the N64′s ability to have 4 players at once it was like a glimps of the future, pre networked games.
If you miss floppy disks as much as we do, why not check out this funny t-shirt?
Click here to buy one of these funny rude t-shirts
Lemmings (1991)
We couldn’t have a list without Lemmings, the can-can music is still stuck in my head now thanks to this. It’s one of the few puzzle games I ever really enjoyed, which is why in a list dedicated to 25 years of Tetris, you won’t, ironically find any mention of it.
Diggers (1993)
Mining for jewels in Diggers was brilliant, huge levels with some really weird things in if I recall, floating skeletons and the such. I don’t know why this game never made it big.
simcity (1989)
The first ever chance to play god of your own city.
Duke Nuke’em 3D (1996)
While everyone was off playing Doom and the such I much prefered Duke. I had a tough time picking between this and Wolfenstein 3D, but Duke’s love of the ladies and hookers won it for me. And the one liners, which were funny as hell!
Street Fighter II (1991)
So many versions of just one game – Street Fighter II – The World Warrior, Street Fighter II’ – Champion Edition, Street Fighter II? – Hyper Fighting, Super Street Fighter II, Super Street Fighter II Turbo, Hyper Street Fighter II , I can’t honestly tell you the difference between them all, but anyway the original’s – world warrior and champ edition both rocked, cool music, fancy moves, just make sure you pick to be Dhalsim.
Don’t forget to check out the rest of our funny and rude t-shirts while you’re here.
Half-Life (1998)
I remember I had a friend who bought this in about 1999/2000 and it was the only (at the time) modern game his crappy ancient PC could play, so we spent a lot of time on this thing. This is the best selling first person shooter ever made, and it started my life-long love affair with crowbars, and it probably helped me pass my physics exam a bit easier, ‘cos I’d already wondered and discovered what half life meant.
Pac Man (1980)
IN all its incarnations Pac Man is pretty much the same, so I guess you can get bored with it pretty quick, but I remember this was the first game I actually got an adrenalin rush from getting away from those pesky ghosts. Remember each time you eat one of the big pill things and get to eat the ghosts to proclaim “Ah-ha! The hunter has become the hunted, how ironic”.There was a pac-man tv show, can’t remember that, but I bet it sucked.
Space Invaders (1978 onwards)
Following its release in Japan it caused a shortage of 100 yen coins ‘cos they were all going in the arcade machine. Pixelated aliens never looked so intimidating.
The Settlers II: Veni, Vidi, Vici (1996)
I spent waaay too long playing this, even when the missions were all completed I couldn’t keep away from it. Fish, hunt, plant trees, cut down trees, this game had it all. And it was pretty. Also how many othe games can you think of with latin in the title? (in case you are wondering veni vidi vici means I came, i saw, i conquered) classy.
Warcraft 2 (1995)
Back in the days before the net Warcraft started, pick between the evil Orcs or Humans, it doesn’t make much difference except for the weapons and units you get. Worth checking out even now, and even if you can’t stand World Of Warcraft.
Day of the Tentacle (1993)
Day of the Tentacle is a sequel to the excellent Maniac Mansion but has many improvements over its predecessor, including some very funny voice-acting! A gang of teenagers is trapped on a quest through time as they try to help Dr. Fred Edison using a time machine to prevent a Purple Tentacle from taking over the world. Luckily, you’ll be laughing all the way to the end.
Ahh, its sunny again, perfect weather to purchase a fine array of teesbox funny t-shirts if you ask me, which you didn’t.
Anyways, it’s summer so I guess a bunch of you are going on holidays (or vacations/staycations if you prefer), so we thought you’d like this little list, courtsey of ABTA, Thomas Cook and AAP holiday providers:
10 Most Funny Complaints made by Tourists (in no particular order):
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.
Haha, if she wanted an elephant she’d be nailing him though right now, wouldn’t she? That’s hilarious but I don’t know wether to laugh or cry. I bet elephant dick is massive though, it’d be pretty funny if it was the same size as humans.
“The beach was too sandy.”
I’m not much for beaches but I thought everyone hated those rocky ones. They suck.
“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
Teesbox tip: why not get yours out more, then he won’t have to window shop other womens? Also ladies, it’s in our nature to look at other women, don’t be offended if we gawp, touch and even bed them, it doesn’t mean we still don’t like you to cook our meals and iron our clothes.
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”
Some one failed geography.
“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
Wow, she sounds horny.
“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.”
Don’t even get me started on this, you should have gone to Margate then you silly xenophobic cow.
“We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
What sort of dumb asses are these people?
“I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.”
“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”
Just go naaaked.
For my 14th pick of the random time frame (seems ages since pick number 1 now, Im becoming a roman numeral superstar) I’ve chosen pretty much my fave t-shirt of them all..
Click here to buy one of these funny prawn star t-shirts
We made this funny t-shirt ‘cos we were sick of those shitty “porn star” shirts and badges you see everywhere, are they suppost to be comedy or what? Is the person wearing them saying they’ll swallow and do things of an obscene nature for money, or is it suppost to be ironic and that they’re all ugly and nothing like an ideal porno star?
Anyway this prawn star t-shirt is actually funny, and it looks great.
I was hoping to tel you what the biggest prawn in the world was, and therefore the biggest prawn star, but I couldnt find any record of it, even on guinnessworldrecords.com so why not bag yourself this t-shirt and a big prawn and get yourself famous?
While I was on Guinness I checked out the biggest monkey and found it was a mandrill (Mandrillus sphinx), weighing in at 119lb (54kg) and 20″ (50.8cm) high not including head, don’t know why they missed it’s head off! The mandrill is also one of the most colourful mammals, recognized by its naked vivid-blue rump, red-striped face and yellow beard. I know a few guys that look like that.
