Aussie woman rescued from toilet

An woman in Australia was trapped in her bathroom toilet for a whole week before her neighbours heard her cries for help.
The woman, in her mid sixties and a resident of the Ipswich suburb of Eastern Heights in Queensland, had fallen and wedged her feet against the lavatory, with her body against the inward-swinging bathroom door.

A week after she became trapped, her neighbour, Michael Hibberd heard her cries for help as he was putting his washing out.
Not able to enter the woman’s locked house, Hibberd alerted the Police. Once there, police and firefighters cut their way through a screen door and a wooden floor to rescue the trapped pensioner, reported The Brisbane Times.
The rescued woman, a diabetic, was reported to be in good condition but was dehydrated after her 7 day long toilet trauma, but is recovering well.

Does anyone else find it ironic she was dehydrated after being stuck in a toilet…I meen if some one was to tell you your future and say you’re going to get stuck in the bathroom, surely you’d thing “well at least I’m not going to die of thirst, or poop my pants.” Oh well, live and learn.
Whilst thou art here reading about toilets and the such why not have a good butchers at our funny and pretty rude t-shirts.

A great t-shirt today, both funny AND rude, what more could a mortal ask for- well maybe there is some stuff but we bet you can’t get much of it for a mere £10.99?

So far we’ve only sold these to men, i cant see why a lady would buy one of these t-shirts, but who knows, I’m sure some one out there will want one.
Click here to buy of of these funny t-shirts for men or click here to have a gander at the rest of our funny t-shirts for men and women!
You know though, some men can suck it themselves, “autofellatio” – i’d avoid searching it on google image search, unless that kinda thing floats your boat. Apparently (according to the ever accurate Wikipedia) approx 2 or 3 men per every thousand can perform this..act..on themselves, i guess theres a reason why natures stopped us evolving that way though, otherwise we’d never have the need to leave the house. It’s be kinda like the infinity snake, you know the ouroboros thing, like in Red Dwarf on the side of the box Lister was found in.
I doubt you could live on eating and drinking your soldiers all day long, but I’m no scientist. I’m just here to sell t-shirts.
Jackalope

New t-shirts are here again to add to your Summer wardrobe. Well, I think it’s Summer anyway, aside from all the rain and wind and coldness it’s sort of Summery. You don’t see many bikinis in Doncaster, and for that, I am truely grateful!
Here’s what you’ve been waiting for anyway:

Click here to buy this game over t-shirt or click here to see the rest of our t-shirts
It’s pretty obvious what this shirt is all about, I’m sure even the slow ones of you out there (of which I’m sure there are plenty of you, wandering around picking your noses and resembling Stimpy ala Ren & Stimpy) understand it.
I can’t help but be reminded for some reason of the final closing scenes of Waynes World with this t-shirt, don’t know why, but anyway I’ve googled the ending scene now so you can have a list of them hopefully for your ammusement, and if not, then get lost:

The Sad Ending
Frankie tells Cassandra it’s the wrong time, and an electrical fire starts from the TV broadcasting equipment. While Wayne walks out of the burned-down house with a dead Garth, Cassandra lies in paradise with Benjamin while he says to the camera “You didn’t really think she’d end up with Wayne, did you?”

The Scooby-Doo Ending
Wayne pulls off Benjamin’s face to reveal that he’s actually Old Man Withers, from the haunted ammusement park at the start of the movie, who then says in Scooby-doo fashion “And I would have gotten away with it too,if it hadn’t been for you snooping kids!”

The Mega-Happy Ending
Frankie gives Cassandra a 6 album record deal, and Russel and Garth’s friends who keeps saying “I love you” get together, while he announces how he discovered that “platonic love can exist between two grown men”.

Excellent! Sorry.

the 25th of our random picks, it seems like only yesterday since number one, those were the days. Actually no, they weren’t.
Whatever, today we have a offensive t-shirt in our midst. It’s simple, bold and, pardon the pun ..straight to the point.

Click here to buy one of these offensive middle finger t-shirts.

I did a little research and was suprised to read that the finger is a thousands of years old gesture. The ancient Romans reffered to giving the finger to some one as “digitus impudicus”. There are many variations too, those of you who are also from the UK will know the V sign (with the palm pointed away from the person you’re aiming it at) meens the same thing as the finger, in Russia the equivient of the finger is bending the arm upwards – can’t imagine how that’d work, like everytime you scratch your head you’d be offensive to everyone, and this is my favourite, in some Afrian countries the typical hand gesture used is rasing all five of your fingers (or fingers and thumb if you want to be picky and lame), it meens you have five fathers, aka you’re a bastard. Pretty churlish, I like it. I always liked that thing in Romeo and Juliet with the “I bite my thumb at you, sir” thing, it has a range of meanings, that the person getting bitten at is gay, that they should go to hell or they’re a coward. It’s all good anyway.
So even if you think this t-shirt sucks, check out the rest of our funny t-shirts, otherwise we’ll do some of our own hand gestures towards you.

Ah lucky number 24.
Right for my pick today it’s this funny little number:

Click here to buy this funny i peaked at 15 t-shirt
Or click here to check out the rest of our t-shirts.
I figured this one’s probably a good choice at the moment as, here in the UK there’s been all the school exams on, you know, GCSE’s and that sort of thing, it brings back a few memories. I think I did actually peak at 15 too, I was one of the smarter one’s in the class then, by 16, when it mattered for doing the ol’ GCSE’s I was kinda average, in the middle, and for the few exams I did after that, aged 17 plus I did pretty bad at. So if like me (and lets face it, you want to be) you peaked in your mid teens celebrate it with one of these t-shirts today.
Hopefully though your horemones have calmed down since you were 15, although on the downside it probably meens you can’t ejeculate 7 foot into the air every hour on the hour, like some super fertile drinking fountain. It’s not just me that hates those little fountains of kids pissing is it? I’m sure the first time someone made one it was pretty witty and cool but now…now…it’s just horrifying, the old peado paranoid society that we are in the UK though will probably see them banned in a year or two anyway.

I bet you thought I’d forgotten this weeks installement of dlightfully funny news, but alas no, I was ringing up reporters and the such (well, maybe not, but I was Googling, well…Bing-ing)
German Police Catch Underwear Bandit

Police In Germany uncovered more than 1,000 underpants and more than 100 pairs of swimming trunks after catching a thief in the act of taking another three pairs for his collection.

The fourty six year-old man was caught on Sunday nabbing 3 pairs of pants from a gym in the western town of Gelnhausen. Police then came across the huge collection of underwear while searching his appartment.
“They were all evidently in use, but had been washed and neatly stacked away,” a police spokesman said Monday.
Police are now investigating where all the underwear came from. The suspect claims to have bought them from boot sales & over the Internet.

You know, I kind of find the stealing panties like this understandable, like they’re from a lady and they’ve been near her naughty bits, but just taking other guys underwear to wear on a day to day basis is pretty damned odd, never mind when you do it over one thousand times! Do you think they’ll make him give them all back or what?

Ah funny AND rude t-shirts today:

Click here to buy one of these t-shirts
Click here to check the rest of our t-shirts out.

Wether you enjoy banging or playing drums, or both then this is the t-shirt for you.
Speaking of instruments and stuff I keep seeing a Nintendo ad for a game called Rhythm Paradise..

You have to tap the Ds’s screen in time with the characters on screen and thus build up your time keeping and rhythm etc. Maybe it’s just me but shouldn’t this game have a cover more like this:

They could still use the same catchphrase “can you keep up with the rhythm?” but the on screen visuals would be much more entertaining we reckon. In fact maybe it should be on the national curriculum and maybe instead of a game you should get an actual lady to practise on, she could say “faster”, “slower” and even add an extra dimension “go deeper” to it all. I bet it’d be everyones favourite class in no time.
It could replace those boring music classes where you have to sit playing some crappy casio keyboard for 50 mins?
I don’t know where they’d get the ladies from, but I doubt we’re to far away from being able to create and clone a horny blonde (i.e. the perfect woman) in a lab somewhere.
Interesting stuff anyway, if you find it offensive it’s ment to be humorous, and if you don’t find it humorous then it’s ment to be serious.

Time for another line up of new t-shirts, people.
Here’s todays:

Click here to buy one of these funny comedy I heart drunk girls t-shirts
Drunk girls amaze and inspire us regularly. What won’t they do? We got some pretty pictures of them, most we can’t show you but here’s a few entertaining ones:

Look what a great time she’s having, we reckon the panties came off 5 mins after the photo was taken (check out the smile on the guys face) and a great time was had by all.

Maybe not quite as inviting pose as the first girl, but we appreciate she co-ordinated the boots and sick bucket.

She’ll let you do anything you want to her, any hole, any time (as long as it’s while she’s still wasted).

A whole pile of drunk girls, we’d put our money on the one on the right in the red and black top, she’s all touchy feely over the other girls, but she’s kinda left out of the pile, we’d happily lay on top of her for a bit to make her feel better though.

Anyway, that’s enough pictures for now. Before you go don’t forget to have a butchers at our funny, rude and sometimes offensive t-shirts. They’re all great value and all the shirts come in a wide range of colours ad sizes to suit everyone. Happy drunk girl hunting.

Jackalope

Ah, XXII, so it’s come to this.
Well we got a rude t-shirt today, as some one who loves innuendo and is a closet (or not so closet if you’ve met me) nerd this is one of my fave t-shirts on teesbox comedy and rude t-shirts

Click here to buy one of these rude floppy t-shirts!

I miss the old days of floppy disks, even ZIP disks are kinda retro nowadays (but they’re too underground to make an innunedo out of now). I’ve fond memories of passing on a 4mb MP3 file and having to use two floppies to do it. USB flash sticky thingies lack that certain je ne sais quoi.

It comes in a range of seven different sizes, small, medium, large, extra large and an extra extra large, for those of you who’ve maybe spent a little bit too long sat in front of the pc.
Five different colours of t-shirts are available, red, navy blue, pale blue, black and pink. Personally I’d pick navy or black, they just look the coolest, plus it’s the two colours I most associate with disks.

Have a great weekend, with lots of drink and exposed body parts (minus anything that should be covered by one of our tees).
Jackalope

Another fine installement of pointless news to liven up your Friday, after checking out all our rude and humorous t-shirts by clicking here.

Family Takes Genie to Court

A family who live in Saudi Arabia has taken a “genie” to court, accusing it of leaving threatening messages on their mobile phones.
They’re also claiming the spirit has thrown stones at the outside of their house and stolen their property.
The family claims to have been forced to move out of the home where they have lived near the city of Medina for fifteen years.
A family spokesman said: “We began to hear strange sounds. At first we didn’t take it seriously, but then stranger things started to happen and the children got particularly scared when the genie started throwing stones.”
“A woman spoke to me first, and then a man. They said we should get out of the house.”
A local court has now been asked to verify the claims “despite the difficulty” of doing so.
In Islamic theory, are spirits that can harass or possess humans and animas and are often said to be motivated by revenge or jealousy.

Wait, wait… maybe it’s my Westernised view of it all, but aren’t genies suppost to be all cool? Like granting you wishes and that sort of thing? Like the Genie in Aladdin, he was nice, wasn’t he? Sure he was blue, floaty and annoying but he granted wishes, so who cares? Oh, and remember the quite funny and very cheesy 70′s comedy on tv, I dream of Jeannie..

 

I bet you do, who knows what he made that scantily clad little Genie get up to, one things for sure I bet she didn’t spend much time playing prank calls and throwing stones at his house. That’s my kind of genie, I guess what they’d call a genie we’d call a poltergeist. I don’t know about taking one to court though, I’ve got a sneaky feeling he’ll be a no-show.

Even Claims Direct wouldn’t touch this one with a barge pole.

I was out hiding in some bushes doing my morning shit when I heard a couple go by, thinking they might want to look at my anus or touch my rectum I kept very quiet and still, they didn’t see or feel me, phew! But they were talking, like little babies “Aw, I’ll mith yoooo too sugar muffin”. Ha, I can’t even hear anyone get called Honey Bunny without thinking of Pulp Fiction. So Pet names, the way to lose all you credibility in one single second. I seem to be hearing them alot latley, pookie, sweetcheeks and let’s not forget honey.
What’s it all about? Are they transferable? Upon seperation who even owns the rights to them? Once a Cuddlybear always a cuddlybear?

One thing I think most of us have been called at some point or another is special – “you’re so special”? In the same way Special K is special right? I’m worth £1.80 and I go all soggy at the sight of milk?
Rebel against the lameness of it all with this humorous t-shirt:

Click here to buy this humorous shirt, or click here to check out all our humorous and rude t-shirts
Your cutey, Jackalope, the t-shirt honey bunny

The all important question, why the hell buy from us?
Well let’s start with the obvious, firstly, it’s Summer, at least here in the UK and the rest of the Northern Hemisphere so you need a t-shirt to keep cool.
Why wear boring old plain t-shirts when you can wear something that’ll make people laugh (or cry, in the case of some of our offensive and rude tees)?
You don’t even need to be a billionaire, prices start from a mere £10.99, and that includes delivery. We’re in the UK, but if you’re not in Britain you can still purchase from us very cheaply, international postage only costs the equivilent of £1.90 per order – so no matter if you order 1 or 100 t-shirts you’ll only pay £1.90 shipping- that’s not even US$3.00.
You have nothing else to do, you’re sat on the net and have finally exhausted the worlds supply of pictues of nudey girls
 
Unlike some, we offer a great service, cheap prices and a huge range (currently almost 200 t-shirts!)of every kind imaginable. All our funny t-shirts come in seven different sizes to fit the majority of people out there, they’re available in ladies fitted size 10, ladies fitted size 12, small, medium, large, extra large, and a huge XXL.
SO visit our t-shirts now and get buying.

P.S. If you don’t we’ll come and get you (we kid, perhaps)

It’s well and truely Summer, well as near as it gets to Summer here in the UK anyway, so we’re releasing lot’s of new t-shirts for you to wear on these slightly hotter, kinda sunny days.
Joining our line up today is a funny t-shirt, for anyone who’s overweight so that’s everyone pretty much in UK, US, Spain, Australia, Canada, Ireland, and pretty much the rest of the world – unless you’re in one of those countries where everyone’s starving to death, in which case you’ve probably got bigger fish to fry (pardon the unfortunate pun) than worrying about a new tee shirt on the ol’ internet.
SO without further delay here it is:

Click here to buy one of these new funny t-shirts
Or
click here to check out the rest of our t-shirts
At least if you wear this people will know it’s burgers that are to blame and not your limited knowledge of contraception.
Anyone remember that “man” that got pregnant?

That’d have surely made our Friday Funny News ..if we’d been running it at the time. I saw some show on him, and wasn’t very suprised to find out he’d been born a woman. If he was a proper man (like Arnie in the movie Junior) I’d have been impressed though, and kinda disturbed, I meen, how’s he gona squeeze that thing out? Mr Schwarzenegger made a pretty unlikely Doctor in the film, though it seemed no more unlikey than him atually getting to be Governor of California I guess – our advice to him, stick to playing emotionless, wooden (in an acting sense), metal (in a mechanical sense) robots.

So this is basically our Friday Funny News, but this week we’ve rebranded it, as a one off, to the ever so catchy “Friday not so funny, erotic fantasy-esque pseudo news”, it’s more fitting for this weeks installement, so don’t going moaning at me that’s it’s a bit different or anything this week. It’ll do you good.

Lab Made Sperm

Scientists in Newcastle claim to have created human sperm in the laboratory in what they say is a world first.

The researchers believe the work could eventually help men with fertility problems to father a child.

But other experts say they are not convinced that fully developed sperm have been created.

Writing in the journal Stem Cells and Development, the Newcastle team say it will be at least five years before the technique is perfected.

They began with stem cell lines derived from human embryos donated following IVF treatment.

The stem cells had been removed when the embryo was a few days old and were stored in tanks of liquid nitrogen.

The stem cells were brought to body temperature and put in a chemical mixture to encourage them to grow. They were “tagged” with a genetic marker which enabled the scientists to identify and separate so-called “germline” stem cells from which eggs and sperm are developed.

 

The male, XY stem cells underwent the crucial process of “meiosis” – halving the number of chromosomes. The process over creating and developing the sperm took four to six weeks
Don’t forget to check out our funny comedy t-shirts
so there you have it, the end of men. So why is this erotic you ask? Well, it got me thinking, there’s two ways men could be wiped out, first,some huge kinda war, that’ll not happen because military stuff is mens forte so i’d probably result in the end of woman (and threfore man) kind. But the other option is men simply are phased out, like ladies start using the lab sperm instead of the stuff in your balls to create babies which are pre-disposed to become female. Boo you might think, but no, just imagine if you’re one of the last guys around, even if you’re in the last few million all the ladies will still need some “attention” of a special kind and you’ll be able to have your pick of any or all of mllions of them. Like as many as you can handle, and I mean that literally. They’ll all be horny virgins too so you won’t have to put any effort in, and they’ll just be glad to experience the pleasure of your cock. See? All’s well, I can hardly wait.

Seems like a long long time since we did a good old fashioned offensive t-shirts, the sort you should wear in the day time, in front of lots of innocent children.
So here they are, all new:

Click here to buy one of these “I’m Just a Big Fucking Ray of Sunshine, Aren’t I?” offensive t-shirts

It comes in 5 different colours, each and every one is billiant with this t-shirt, I’d pick navy blue, but that’s me. Yeah, if you bring the room down with a thud then this is the t-shirt for you! I’m sure there’s one or two goth’s and emo’s and stuff out there too who should be wearing this thing. Self-mockery is never a bad thing. Notice the word “fuck” in there, if you’re still of school age, why not wear it in class one day, see if you can get kicked out (AKA a day off for free), if you do remember to send us your teachers name so we can publically humiliate them on the ol’ internet for being too lame to get the funny side of this t-shirt.
And if you’re not ito this shirt (which you should be, we all like it, so should you) we’ve got something for everyone on our t-shirts homepage.