Mmm, I guess it should be holey bank manager, I don’t think any bank manager could ever be percieved as ‘holy’.
Former Barclays bank manager, John Lynch of Apsely, hertfordshire has been recognised by the Guinness World Records authority for having the most body piercings.
After giving his job up as Barclays manager he got 241 piercings in total 150 of those being on his head and neck.
The seventy eight year-old said: “I gave up working at the bank all those years ago because I was a square peg in a round hole and I always wanted to get a few piercings and tattoos. I knew I wanted to stand out a bit from the crowd, and I could not do that at the bank… I never thought about breaking the record. I’ve always just done it because I like it, but it is quite an achievement. I was actually a few short so had 20 or so popped into my arms to bring up the numbers and if somebody beats me I’m sure I could always find space for a few more.”
I don’t know about you, but I’d trust my money with him. Maybe.
I wonder if they’d employ him like that, let’s face it, there’s not exactly much of a reputation for banks in the UK to harm is there? I vote bring him back, give him a bonus too…all in piercings, in fact why not make that go for all the high flying bankers, reward their greed with a few delightful pieces of metal stuck in their face.
Wow, another new t-shirt! :O
Definition of floozy:
“floo·zy also floo·zie
n. pl. floo·zies Slang
A woman regarded as tawdry or sexually promiscuous.
Right, this is a pretty one, it’s probably aimed more at ladies, but hey, we’re not here to judge.
Click here to check this t-shirt out or here to see the rest of our t-shirts
It’s hard to know what to say about floozy, except that it’s a funny word and generally refers to a bit of a slutty kind of lady and typing it in on the ol’ image search gets you some (but not as many as I’d have expected) pictures of women up to things they shouldn’t be, usually involving a big cock.
We’re keen on all types of floozy, so this t-shirts available in sizes small, medium, large, extra large, extra extra large and fitted sizes 10 and 12, plus a choice of five colours, navy blue, red, black, pale blue and the ultimate floozy colour..pink. So buy it now! It’ll have guys knocking down your door to get to your panties.
As per usual if you’re in the UK postage is totally free, an if you’re in one of them overseas countries out there, it’s pretty damn cheap no matter if you live in France, Russia or the USA.
PS if you’re a real floozy you’ll probably enjoy this funny news story about naked streakers in a devon petrol station
A group of five totally naked men have been taped on security cameras entering a petrol station in Devon and browsing through its adult magazines. One of the men was recording the incident on his own mobile phone but they all left for a mini-bus parked outside after being asked to put their clothes on by the store worker.
Kilmington Services manager Gobu Rasalingham said: “Even though it’s quite funny, it’s unacceptable behaviour because it’s in a public place.
“There were no customers in at the time. But if there had been children or women, I would probably have been harsher with them, and the female cashier who delt with them was shocked, frozen and unable to do anything – she was almost crying”
She said, ‘Go and put clothes on, otherwise I won’t be able to serve you’.
“I don’t think they purposely meant to harm anybody. Maybe they were on a stag party or it was a challenge. I would have taken it in a sporting way as long as they didn’t do any harm.”
Local police Sergeant Pete Trudgeon said: “Each male that paraded himself naked in the shop committed an offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, we are looking to identify these men at the earliest opportunity. If they come forward and admit their involvement, they will be dealt with more leniently.”
I find it ammusing, the girl behind the desk who almost cried is pathetic, she should have gotten an eye full while she had the chance, and why do police officers never ever have a sense of humour? Lame.
It’s been a long, long while since we saw a new t-shirt, we know. But you can’t have everything, so here’s the first new one in months – there’ll be a second one soon though to make up for it so don’t go moaning to us just yet, otherwise we’ll up our prices and make you our sex slaves (or opium growing slaves, we haven’t decided yet).
Click here to buy this all new, all funny t-shirt
It’s kinda self spoofing, or is that self mocking, either way it is… so take a break from your funny and rude teesbox t-shirts with this..errr.. funny teesbox t-shirt. It’s perfect too to show off your lazy side, and right for every occasion.
It comes in a range of five different colours- pale blue, navy blue, black, red and a lady-like pink, and 2 styles – regular t-shirt style and ladies fitted style (to show off those interestin curvey bits) and in sizes small, medium, large, extra large and a grand extra extra large for those of you who love your food. I can’t think of much else to say about this one, so I think I should just leave it by saying “witty, long and exciting blog post here”.
So you nerdy nerds, these are for you:
In at number 3:
Don’t you just hate it when you see someone from your past, like from school or something and they see you and run up to you all excited, chat for 2 mins and then say:
“Dude, you used to be cool!?!”
Eugh, seriously, no I didn’t. Losers. For more details go here
Umero Numero 2?
Do you miss floppy disks? Or snigger at there lowly 1.44mb capacity. If so then this is the t-shirt for you my friend. It’s a little rude, but in a geeky way. Who knows maybe some fine lady will want to see if you hae any other 3.5″ floppies on your person (Like stashed in the soles of your shoes with a couple of SNES Roms and a midi file of the Wombles theme tune all hidden safely away). Huzzah! See here for more details on this nerd t-shirt
And the big ONE…
It’s the classic…
Screw GUI’s, long live DOS, there was atime typing away with clever stuff on your PC (or should i say IBM compatible personal computer) made you look cool..ish. Show your nerdy ways with this hilarious t-shirt, it’s a good way to make friends (and probably enemies aka bullies) too – the people the understand the gag will enjoy it. Check it out here
We all know tattoo’s likesmoking and anything bad for you that your mother would hate are cool, but check this out:
Joel, twenty seven from northern Sweden woke up after drinking a full bottle of vodka the previous night to discover a rude picture of a six-inch penis tattooed on his thigh.
Joel was only told about how he gained the body art by his friends the next day;
On admiring a moustache tattoo on his friend’s hand in a local bar, the man was overheard by a tattoo artist who said he would tattoo him on the condition that he was allowed to have complete freedom to choose what he wanted the design to be of.
Joel, from Umea, told Swedish paper Aftonbladet: “The last thing I remember is leaving my apartment. I found out afterwards who it was. He works at a tattoo palour near here. But I did go along with it.. he didn’t exactly force me.”! Don’t forget to check out our rude and offensive t-shirts!
How’s he ever going to explain that? “Ignore the cock on my leg, it’s the one in my pants you need to concentrate on”, I wonder if it’s a likeness of his own or someone elses- I’m not entirely sure which is worse. I guess he should be glad it’s not on somewhere more visable than his leg!
Dreamcast was launched in Europe. today! Now I guess you’re all like ‘why the hell’s a blog about funny t-shirts going on about Sega?’ The answer…I’m not sure, I guess we sell some retro stuff, and the Dreamcast is pretty retro as of today.
I thought i’d mention a few of the best bits of this console, again, I don’t know why, maybe it’s a yearning for the 90′s.
The logo:
The console isn’t the best looking thing I’ve ever seen but no one can help but enjoy the wiggly swirly line logo things, see below.:
28k Modem:
What can I say, pretty nippy. All the (small) text files you can handle if you’re prepared to wait 30 mins +.
The games:
Shenmue, a combo of first person shooters and fork lift truck driving, so expensive to make it bankrupted it’s developers. And forget the whole World of Warcraft thing – check out the console equivilent – Phantasy Star Online. And how about Soulcalibre, gory fighting at its best- as long as you ignore the lame xbox live version.
High definition:
it could be hooked upto a PC monitor to provide HD gaming – way before any other console.
The gear:
Sure there was the modem, but my fave part was the OTT memory cards with their own screen, buttons and games.
Keep the dream (cast) alive!
As you’ve no doubt seen we offer a very generous XL and XXL size on all of our funny t-shirts, and this has been a hit with those of you of a more portly disposition. We’ve even got some designs that are funny just for people with a belly, and so without further ado (a doo?sp?) here they are, in no particular order, they’re all equally funny I guess.
They’re all available only from www.teesbox.com
Why have a 6 pack, when you can have a barrel?
Click here for details and to order this shirt. It’s great for going boozing in too, so you can’t go wrong.
I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat
Click for info on this t-shirt
You might think it’s just for women, but I disagree, it’s as (if not more) hilarious on men as it is on women, or mixed genders, or whatever other options there are of gender out there 
.
I’m chubby and it hurts to run t-shirts:
I’m chubby t-shirts, buy ‘em here.
I see this guy running near home all the time, well ‘jogging’ ifyou want to be pedantic, and he’s huge, sweating like a P I G and looking like he hates every second of it, so this t-shirts inspired for him, and created for everyone out there like him. If you’re not the most athletic person on the planet and you’re jogging to save yourself from the Doritos based heart attack which is almost inevitable then buy this shirt now.
Na na na na na BATMAN!
This shirt says it all. Plus it picks on Batman, don’t you just loathe his right wing ass? Running some massive corp which is fuelling his super hero fetish and keeping petty thieves of the streets, why don’t you pick on the corporate whores an mega tycoons out there you fascist fuck!
If you need to buy this shirt in extra extra large we congratulate you, you really thrashed that stupid disease! Click here to buy
Smile if you screw fat guys t-shirts
Fat? Get smiled at? Then this is the shirt for you me thinks. Maybe they’ll feel obliged to sleep with you after grinning and reading your shirt, or at least giving you a blowjob. Buy it here!
Well this is a whole lot like the Friday Funny from two weeks back
but it’s all good. Enjoy:
Sleeping Robber:
Police have arrested a 29 year old man on counts of burglary and criminal damage after he broke into a home and fell asleep on Tuesday last week.
The man in Milton, Cambridge had filled a pillowcase with items from the house before drinking a bottle of wine and passing out on the couch, drooling.
A police spokesman commented: “When we arrived we found the man on the sofa with a bottle of red wine on the floor next to him and after trying to wake him we promptly charged him with attempted burglary.”
Ha, what a jerk. I don’t gettit, surely when you rob stuff, you’d be in and out of there as fast as possible? I can’t imagine thinking ‘oh i’ll drink this wine while I’m here’ it’s probably on a par with the loser who loaded his facebook profile. Some one actually wrote to us after the facebook robber post – who knows if it’s true:
Alan F emails:
‘In my younger years I had a couple of scrapes with the law, I was in a flat and found a copy of playboy or some magazine like that and decided to jerk a quick one out. THe police came to find me with my trousers round my ankles and my hand in my pants. I went without a struggle…the police woman was hot.”
If you like building stuff and that sort of thing then these funny slogan shirts are for you:
recommended for landscape gardeners and builders.
Great looking t-shirt, just subtle enough to wear anywhere, and we know that you do dig all those hot girls holes that you see.
recommended for handymen, DIY enthusiasts etc.
Love drilling stuff with your bit? Celebrate your power tool with this funny t-shirt.
recommended for tow truck drivers and anyone that likes tight panties.
recommended for plumbers and bathroom specialists.
And…if you drive a bus, please, please wear this beauty, it’ll probably get you sacked, but think of the fun you’ll have:
So there you have it, the majority come in 5 different colours to suit your work and range from sizes small, medium, large, extra large, right up to the mighty extra extra large for the more burley workman, which most of you, no doubt are. Don’t give up the bacon sandwiches. If you are on the big side by the way, why not check out our I beat anorexia t-shirts,it’s ironic and delightful., though for some reason people keep buying them in little sizes like fitted 10′s and stuff, maybe they don’t get the irony or something.
Check out these t-shirts and many more only at teesbox t-shirts here.
Doctors in China have discovered that a knife was left in a woman’s ass for four months.
Ying Shi who’s 26, revealed that the physicians in Shanghai gave her a scan when she came to them after suffering from stomach complaints following a mugging.
She said: “All I remember of the night was a stabbing pain in my ass. I thought they had just slashed me, I didn’t realise the whole blade had gone all the way in.
I am amazed they missed it the first time around but very relieved that they’ve found it now.”
The knife had gone so deep into Ying’s rear that X-rays showed it was pressing against her bladder.
How the hell could some one stick a whole knife up your ass and you not even know about it? I’m very puzzled by it all, like “oh I’ve just a cut[presumbaly on her ass] but it’ll be ok” when really the knife’s actually in there? I find it hard to believe. Anyone else notice how all the most bizarre news comes from China? It ain’t just coincidence I tells ya, go there and you’ll be giving birth to 8 mummified babies, slipping off butter coated bridges and getting denied to go to sex museums before you know it.
Jackalope
I was speaking to a friend the other day (wow), and he reminded me of a pretty entertaining story that happened to him – he got this date with this girl with a seriously slutty reputation, and, keen to get the whole “virginity” thing out of the way, thinking his moment was in, got all prepared (i.e. pissed out of his face with her). So anyway they go back to hers, strip, climb into her bed…and wait for it, she gives him a peck on the cheek rolls over and says “i’m tired, night”. Ouch, what a bitch, it just proves that half those girls who are sluts aren’t really, they’re kinda “wannabe sluts” or, maybe a more appropriate phrase would be a tease.
I remember loads of girls who were teases at school, so I know there’s plenty of you out there who should be wearing this t-shirt.
But incase you’re a guy we’ve got something for you, an illustration of what a tease may look like, should you see one on you travels:
Odds that she’ll put out: 0/10 Odds that you’ll think about it: 10/10
They didn’t look that good at my school, I missed out, or maybe I should be greatful they were’nt hotter/ more frustrating.
Times are tough, there’s no getting away from it – banks are going bust, the government is going bust trying to fund the crappy banks with endless cash that just magically disappears and Iran is hoping to fire a few Nukes our way any day now. My advice? Panic buy t-shirts. Functional and cool 
if you get mutated in a nuclear blast they probably won’t fit you anymore, or protect you from the actual blast itself, unless of course you buy hundreds of them, then it’ll be super thick and it might help stop you getting exposed to so much raditation. (Teesbox t-shirts does not advise trying to use t-shirts to protect yourself from explosions, nor makes any alligations that they wil stop you getting hurt or injured.)
Well anyway, in these down trodden times it seems like one of our best selling t-shirts is very appropriate, and here it is:
Click here to check it out
I thought it’d be interesting to find out where “not a happy bunny” the saying originated, but I can’t find the answer, seems no one knows, the most popular theory, and best one I can see is the “bunny” bit relates to some one jumping up and down in frustration or anger, like a rabbit. Maybe that’s it, I’ll assume so.
Jackalope.
So here’s one of our many, many drinking and beer related t-shirts:
Click here to check it out or here to view the rest of our t-shirts
So there’s only so much you can write about beer, infact there’s quite a lot but it’s a lot more interesting to drink than talk about.
What we’ve complied is a list of some beer related lyrics from popular songs that we thought you might like instead, some great artists in here too, Pixies, Bob Dylan, the Doors, everyone loves beer:
Beer songs:
We’ve got provisions and lots of beer
The key word is survival on the new frontier
New Frontier, Donald Fagen
Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
The future’s uncertain, and the end is always near
Roadhouse Blues, The Doors
And then you had to bring up reincarnation
Over a couple of beers the other night.
Galileo, Indigo Girls
You said good friends are hard to come by
I laughed and bought you a beer ’cause it was too corny to cry
Joking, Indigo Girls
She was working in topless place
And I stopped in for a beer
Tangled Up In Blue, Bob Dylan
But look watch shorty get sicker year after year
While he’s thinkin’ it’s beer but it’s not he got it in his gut
1 Million Bottle Bags, Public Enemy
I get home at five o’clock,
and I take myself out a nice, cold beer.
Working Man, Rush
Down at the Lido they welcome you
With sausage and beer
Here At The Western World, Steely Dan
He’s knowing that he found the place He pours a cold, cold beer
Skoal– very cold beer, Cheers– to your friends so near
Space Wrangler, Widespread Panic
He’s yelling at the parking lot
Throwing beer cans down the stairs
Demand, Phish
A little joke, the one about the farmer’s daughter
How she was stomping on grapes, coming up with blue feet and beer
Jack, Widespread Panic
So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself
Let Her Cry, Hootie & The Blowfish
Funny I’ve been there And you’ve been here
We ain’t had no time to drink that beer
Sandman, America
Going down to Allen’s for a twenty-five cent beer
Deadbeat Club, The B-52′s
To either cut down on beer or the kid’s new gear
Town Called Malice, The Jam
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
Piano Man, Billy Joel
Cold beer, hot lights
My sweet romantic teenage nights
Scenes From An Italian Restaurant, Billy Joel
I’d stand at that bar with my friends who’ve passed away
And drink three times the beer that I can drink today
Talking Old Soldiers, Elton John
Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair
And it’s one more beer and I don’t hear you anymore
Someone Saved My Life Tonight, Elton John
You didn’t have to make me a total disgrace
Didn’t have to leave me with that beer in my face
Black Country Woman, Led Zeppelin
tell me what it is you want me to hear
i trust rebound is just rebound
you’re stuck between my attitude and beer
Tantrum, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin
Dear God, hope you got the letter, and…
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer
Dear God, XTC
we got to get some beer
we got no atmosphere
Distance Equals Rate Times Time, Pixies
I love the smell of beer
Devil’s Roof, Throwing Muses
is this your son’s wallet I’ve got here?
he must have dropped it after too much beer!
No Thugs In Our House, XTC
His eyes went glassy, not a word was said
He poured another beer and his face turned red
Read About Love, Richard Thompson
Showered in honey
Showered in beer
Puberty, Belly
I was down by Bondi Pier, drinkin’ tubes of ice cold beer,
With a bucket full of prawns upon my knee,
When I swallowed the last prawn,
I had a technicolor yawn and I chundered in the old Pacific Sea.
Bondi Pier, Grateful Dead
Another night in a successsion
Thinly glued with beer and wine
It’s a precarious profession
Lifeblood, Indigo Girls
Punch and Judy in a semi on a brand new council plot
Sunday lunchtime, beer-for-Punch time, while his dinner’s far from hot
Punch And Judy, XTC
I’m standing in front of this girl
I’m under a flourescent light
I’ve had a few beers inside me
I feel like a giant tonight
Meccanic Dancing (oh We Go!), XTC
Well I don’t need any cigarettes or beer from a jug
You’re my drug
You’re My Drug, XTC
He’d nothing to fear
He had his beer
B-E-E-R!
The Affiliated, XTC
For it was a famous party night
And to party was to get high
They loaded up on beer and cocaine
Feel The Thunder, Blue Oyster Cult
Tell the waitress I’ll come back to Zanzibar
I’ll be hiding inthe darkness with my beer.
Zanzibar, Billy Joel
You’ve got yoga honey
I’ve got beer
A Room Of Our Own, Billy Joel
If the boys all behave themselves here
Well there’s pretty young ladies and beer in the rear
Sweet Painted Lady, Elton John
It’s seven o’clock and I want to rock
Want to get a belly full of beer
Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting, Elton John
I love you too in all your forms,
the slim and lovely virgin floating among German beer,
Queen Victoria , Leonard Cohen
Frankie went down to the corner saloon, get a bucket of beer
Said to the bartender “Has my lovin’ man been here”
Frankie & Albert, Bob Dylan
Stack-a-Lee walked to the barroom and he called for a glass of beer
Turned around to Billy Lyons, said, What you doin’ here?
Stack-a-lee, Bob Dylan
How dare you sit there and drink all our beer
Oh it’s made for us workers who sweat spit and swear
Texan Love Song, Elton John
Don’t forget the beer my little dear
It helps to sow the mellow seed
Mellow, Elton John
Staying awake on cold yesterday’s steak and warm beer.
Crossword, Jetro Tull
She was helping out at the back-stage…
stopping hearts and chilling beer.
Budapest, Jetro Tull
What kind of place am I in? And who’s this over here?
Shaking through the silver bubbles climbing through my beer.
Undressed To Kill, Jetro Tull
some are like summer coming back every year
got your baby got your blanket got your bucket of beer
That’s Why I’m Here, James Taylor
Saturdays boys live life with insults,
Drink lots of beer and wait for half time results,
Saturdays Kids, Paul Weller, The Jam
Sup up your beer and collect your fags,
The Eton Rifles, Paul Weller, The Jam
The old Rocker wore his hair too long
Wore his trouser cuffs too tight
Unfashionable to the end – drank his ale too light
Big Dipper, Jetro Tull
Two-fifty for a highball
And a buck and a half for a beer
Happy hour, Happy hour,
Happy hour is here
Little Bones, The Tragically Hip
And that’s your lot. Keep on drinkin’ (and of course purchasing our funny t-shirts).
Jackalope.
Now “Americas dumbest criminals” makes me cringe and the terrible and self righteous police on shows like “police, camera, action” and “road wars” (“look what the silly mug does now”) make me ashamed not to be on the side of the law breakers, but I couldn’t resist this little story of a silly crime-inal.
Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pennsylvania, USA, was captured after allegedly robbing a house when he used a PC in the house to look at his own Facebook profile.
Parker was charged with daytime burglary after forgetting to log out of his profile on the social networking site after stealing 2 diamond rings.
The alleged victim reported the crime to the police before noticing that her computer had been used and that the Facebook profile was still open.
During the investigation, the victim was told by a friend that the suspected criminal was staying in the same area.
When police visited that home, an acquaintance said that Parker did not live at the address and added that he had asked him for help to break into the victim’s house, but he had refused.
Parker was placed in custody at Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 (£6,125) bail and could face up to ten years in prison if convicted.
Idiot, how cocky must he have been to sit on a PC in someone else’s home that’s he’d just broken into?
