Don’t you just love pissing everyone off? Well there’s no better way than by wearing an offensive shirt – you don’t even have to say or do anything excpet walk into a room to make everyone hate you.
IN at no. 3.
It’s funny cos its true, 9 out of 10 bus users are al qaeda members, the rest are just jerks.
Click here to check it out in more detail.
2.
click here to check it out in full
If you love shocking people and looking good then this is the shirt for you! Jiggling breasts might be pretty hot by themselves, but combined with a high pitched shrill of a rape victim they are even better.
1. our fave offensive tee;
An all time classic, that gets straight to the point. It’s not one to wear round to your Nan’s house that’s for sure.
Buy it here.
That’s the lot folks. If you’re into REALLY offensive t-shirts and want a whole site dedicated to them we suggest checking out our new sister site, dedicated to all you sicko’s out there – Offensive T-shirts UK which, if you can’t guess is a UK based site full of rude and offensive shirts at great prices.
Enjoy! Jackalope
So you nerdy nerds, these are for you:
In at number 3:
Don’t you just hate it when you see someone from your past, like from school or something and they see you and run up to you all excited, chat for 2 mins and then say:
“Dude, you used to be cool!?!”
Eugh, seriously, no I didn’t. Losers. For more details go here
Umero Numero 2?
Do you miss floppy disks? Or snigger at there lowly 1.44mb capacity. If so then this is the t-shirt for you my friend. It’s a little rude, but in a geeky way. Who knows maybe some fine lady will want to see if you hae any other 3.5″ floppies on your person (Like stashed in the soles of your shoes with a couple of SNES Roms and a midi file of the Wombles theme tune all hidden safely away). Huzzah! See here for more details on this nerd t-shirt
And the big ONE…
It’s the classic…
Screw GUI’s, long live DOS, there was atime typing away with clever stuff on your PC (or should i say IBM compatible personal computer) made you look cool..ish. Show your nerdy ways with this hilarious t-shirt, it’s a good way to make friends (and probably enemies aka bullies) too – the people the understand the gag will enjoy it. Check it out here
As you’ve no doubt seen we offer a very generous XL and XXL size on all of our funny t-shirts, and this has been a hit with those of you of a more portly disposition. We’ve even got some designs that are funny just for people with a belly, and so without further ado (a doo?sp?) here they are, in no particular order, they’re all equally funny I guess.
They’re all available only from www.teesbox.com
Why have a 6 pack, when you can have a barrel?
Click here for details and to order this shirt. It’s great for going boozing in too, so you can’t go wrong.
I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat
Click for info on this t-shirt
You might think it’s just for women, but I disagree, it’s as (if not more) hilarious on men as it is on women, or mixed genders, or whatever other options there are of gender out there 
.
I’m chubby and it hurts to run t-shirts:
I’m chubby t-shirts, buy ‘em here.
I see this guy running near home all the time, well ‘jogging’ ifyou want to be pedantic, and he’s huge, sweating like a P I G and looking like he hates every second of it, so this t-shirts inspired for him, and created for everyone out there like him. If you’re not the most athletic person on the planet and you’re jogging to save yourself from the Doritos based heart attack which is almost inevitable then buy this shirt now.
Na na na na na BATMAN!
This shirt says it all. Plus it picks on Batman, don’t you just loathe his right wing ass? Running some massive corp which is fuelling his super hero fetish and keeping petty thieves of the streets, why don’t you pick on the corporate whores an mega tycoons out there you fascist fuck!
If you need to buy this shirt in extra extra large we congratulate you, you really thrashed that stupid disease! Click here to buy
Smile if you screw fat guys t-shirts
Fat? Get smiled at? Then this is the shirt for you me thinks. Maybe they’ll feel obliged to sleep with you after grinning and reading your shirt, or at least giving you a blowjob. Buy it here!
Here’s our countdown of the top funny slogan t-shirts, only available to buy at teesbox.com
SO here goes:
slogan number five:
Well, what can we say about this one? It’s for ladies only, unless you’re a dude with problems. It’s a beauty in my opinion, for anyone that appreciates a little irony, having “stop looking at my boobs” written across ones tits is about as ironic as you get. Oh, and as guys, we know all ladies secretly love you looking at them, why else would they ever display clevage if it wasn’t there to be enjoyed see?
slogan number four:
Now, I hope this one’s self explanitory, but I also know some of you reading this are probably pretty slow, but I’m still not explaining it.
slogan number three:
Get it? This t-shirt only comes in 2 colours, pale blue and navy blue, and it says “this shirts only blue if i’m thinking about breasts”, so consequently wearing this meens you’re always thinking about them. And who can blame you? Not us.
slogan number two:
So this slogan’s a bit more offensive than the funny ones above it, but don’t you love this t-shirt? I suspect if you trying wearing it, you really won’t look like a people person, which is great, no having to stand up for crusty old ladies on the bus, no having to be polite to some loser who thinks you’re their best buddy, it’s bliss.
and finally
the number one funny slogan t-shirt is…
It’ll make you and everyone around you laugh. I’m not sure if it’s a terrible choice of t-shirts to wear on a first date, or a hilarious one, try it and let us know.
All I can say is… Wine them, dine them, take them back to yours fo “coffee”, spread those legs real wide apart and release your wonderful smell and ruptuous noise. They’ll love it. Maybe.
It’s a while since I reviewed an offensive t-shirt, infact the last one I could find was waaay back in July – offensive Pick of the random time frame XXV!
So it’s about time for this, as it’s been such a while I decided to pick the t-shirt with the most foul language on I could find:
If you want to buy one of these t-shirts or look at it some more click here and if you don’t like it then…fuck you!
So basically we made this t-shirt because it has lots of naughty words on it, well one naughty word, but many times. If you’re a bible basher why not wear it to church? If you’re a white collar worker, why not wear it to the office? Best of all, if you’re still stuck at the hell that is school, wear it one of those non-uniform days, it’ll be the shortest day at school/ the office you ever have. If you do give any of those suggestions a try, please email us and tell us how it panned out. I suspect if you wear it to church you won’t be able to email us, as they’ll have burnt the t-shirt…with you in it. Or maybe crucified you.
Jackalope.
You know we’ve thought there’s a chance some of our more offensive t-shirts will send us straight to hell, but at least even we’re cleaner than this couple:
Couple fined for doing it in Church
A couple in Nigeria have been fined after they were caught having intercourse in church by their local pastor. Pastor Gbenga Akhiomu demanded that Tolu Akintepe, 30 and his 28-year-old wife Bunmi pay the equivilent of £100 for damages due to desecrating the altar at the Pentecostal church in the Lagos suburb of Ikeja.
He also asked the pair to clean the [cum off of the]altar and pray to God for forgiveness.
They told judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa: “My wife was always saying she wanted us to spice up our sex life in an unusual way.
“I thought it would be thrilling if we did it in the church, having the big guy upstairs watching us. I thought it was a little adventurous. I told my wife, and she loved the idea.”
The judge ordered the couple to pay the £100 compensation and to clean the church for the next week have more respect for religious institutions.
If I’d have known there’s sexy stuff in church (aside from getting a pervy glimps of the virgin Mars breasts every now and then) maybe I’d attend once in a while.
Check out all our funny and offensive t-shirts
Next funny news:
Offensive named town should cash in
Residents of Wank, a small town between Nesselwang and Fussen in Germany have hailed the tourism brought by the obscene name and advised the Austrian village of Fucking to take advantage of its potential. The name Fucking is over 800 years old and originated from when a local family moved in and owned the area “the Fuck family” or “the Fucking family”.
The mayor of Fucking recently complained about the negative attention that its name brought it and said that “there’s nothing funny about a town called Fucking to us”. The owner of the Wank Guesthouse, said: “The people in Fucking should cash in on their fame. I have so many visitors here at the guest house that we have the mattresses all in a line in one big room for people to sleep on.
“Otherwise, we couldn’t fit everybody in. If the name helps to bring the tourists in, then why not cash in on it?”
Indeed why the hell not,
A local tourism spokesman of the hamlet, which borders the market town of Nesselwang, added: “There are postcards on sale although many people prefer to take their own holiday snaps standing beside ‘Welcome to W**k signs’.”
Haha, the Fuck family! I wouldn’t mind havng a bit of one on one time with Ms. Fucking though that’s for sure, what could we get upto?
You know I was thinking school has changed an awful lot since “I were a lad“, oh, no sorry make that since “I were a young Jackalope“.
For starters we still used blackboards rather than a giant projector screen thing, and chavs were called “townies” and the air was a little fresher and the sky, a little bluer, and, sadly the school girls weren’t half as friendly (aka horny) or easy on the eye (I’d say think ‘bulldog’ but I don’t want to be offensive to bulldogs) as they are now – or at least so I assume after searching the net for a few images:
I bet her teacher didn’t make her do lines in detention.
One thing remains the same though- it’s still – always has been, always will be, a big pile of boring crap, and to celebrate how they force you to sit through 12 plus years of low quality teaching of things you’ll never use and a bunch of stressful exams (that you find out later in life that the reality is it makes no difference if you pass or fail) we bring you this offensive t-shirt:
Click here to buy one of these offensive t-shirts
Don’t like it? Check out the rest of our tees.
We dare you to wear it to one of those non-uniform day things if you’re still at school, if you last more than 3 mins before getting expelled, I’ll faint.
Jackalope.
the 25th of our random picks, it seems like only yesterday since number one, those were the days. Actually no, they weren’t.
Whatever, today we have a offensive t-shirt in our midst. It’s simple, bold and, pardon the pun ..straight to the point.
Click here to buy one of these offensive middle finger t-shirts.
I did a little research and was suprised to read that the finger is a thousands of years old gesture. The ancient Romans reffered to giving the finger to some one as “digitus impudicus”. There are many variations too, those of you who are also from the UK will know the V sign (with the palm pointed away from the person you’re aiming it at) meens the same thing as the finger, in Russia the equivient of the finger is bending the arm upwards – can’t imagine how that’d work, like everytime you scratch your head you’d be offensive to everyone, and this is my favourite, in some Afrian countries the typical hand gesture used is rasing all five of your fingers (or fingers and thumb if you want to be picky and lame), it meens you have five fathers, aka you’re a bastard. Pretty churlish, I like it. I always liked that thing in Romeo and Juliet with the “I bite my thumb at you, sir” thing, it has a range of meanings, that the person getting bitten at is gay, that they should go to hell or they’re a coward. It’s all good anyway.
So even if you think this t-shirt sucks, check out the rest of our funny t-shirts, otherwise we’ll do some of our own hand gestures towards you.
Seems like a long long time since we did a good old fashioned offensive t-shirts, the sort you should wear in the day time, in front of lots of innocent children.
So here they are, all new:
Click here to buy one of these “I’m Just a Big Fucking Ray of Sunshine, Aren’t I?” offensive t-shirts
It comes in 5 different colours, each and every one is billiant with this t-shirt, I’d pick navy blue, but that’s me. Yeah, if you bring the room down with a thud then this is the t-shirt for you! I’m sure there’s one or two goth’s and emo’s and stuff out there too who should be wearing this thing. Self-mockery is never a bad thing. Notice the word “fuck” in there, if you’re still of school age, why not wear it in class one day, see if you can get kicked out (AKA a day off for free), if you do remember to send us your teachers name so we can publically humiliate them on the ol’ internet for being too lame to get the funny side of this t-shirt.
And if you’re not ito this shirt (which you should be, we all like it, so should you) we’ve got something for everyone on our t-shirts homepage.
A fine new shirt in our midst today, without further wasting of time here it is:
Click here to buy one of these rude t-shirts right now!
I wasn’t sure what to say on this one, but old wikipedia helped me out as per usual, check out the table below, and see how generous your testicles are:
| Time after first ejaculation (months) |
Average volume (milliliter) |
Liquification | Average sperm concentration (million sperm/milliliter) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | 0.5 | No (1) | 0 |
| 6 | 1.0 | No (1) | 20 |
| 12 | 2.5 | No/Yes (2) | 50 |
| 18 | 3.0 | Yes (3) | 70 |
| 24 | 3.5 | Yes (3) | 80 |
Note 1 – Ejaculate is jellylike and fails to liquify.
Note 2 – Most samples liquify. Some remain jellylike.
Note 3 – Ejaculate liquifies within an hour.
Haha jelly like It’s a pity it doesn’t have ages on rather than just time after blowing your load for the first time, but if you haven’t noticed yourself, it decreases from then on, here’s a wiki quote to prove it:
The force and amount of semen that will be ejected during an ejaculation will vary widely between men and may contain between 0.1 and 11 milliliters.
I reckon I produce about 50 milliliters, maybe more. It’s kinda like a supersoaker except the pumping action is more interesting, and it’s not for kids! so yes, get buying this new rude t-shirt, maybe if you go and donate some sperm the nurse at the clinic will be so impressed with the message on your shirt she’ll want to come and watch you, or maybe even help a little.
I think these ‘Your country hates you’ offensive t-shirts are pretty appropriate at the moment:
Click here to purchase one of these offensive t-shirts
Like every media outlet in the UK we just can’t turn a blind eye to corrupt politicians, our leaders who are suppost to be our trusted role models, but in reality they’re worse than the rest of us put together.
So for all of you reading this we’ve got our top 5 take the piss expenses claimed by UK politicans that we’ve all had to chip in for, some are just plain offensive.
Number 5:
Brian Gibbons’ remembrance wreath
Labour Minister for Social Justice and local government remembered to claimed back £16.50 for his British Royal Legion wreath. World War veterans will be so proud.
Number 4:
Caroline Spelman’s nanny
It’d make a good title for a horror movie would Caroline Spelman’s nanny, but that’s besides the point, however her expenses do make for horrifying reading.. she hired a nanny- Tina Haynes who, in exchange for looking after the three children recieved free board and lodgings, but no money, however that didn’t stop Spelman claiming £13,000 on her expenses a year pretending it was her wage.
Number 3:
Bill Butler’s £1 charity donation
The Labour member of scottish parliament for Glasgow Anniesland tried to claim back the princely sum of one whole British pound (that’s £1 in normal speak) for a charitable donation a hotel made on his behalf.
Don’t forget to check out our offensive and rude t-shirts
Number 2:
Derek Conway’s son/parliamentary assistant
Senior Consevative MP Derek Conway used his expenses to “employ” his teen son, Fredrick despite the fact he was studying Geography full time at Newcastle University. He was paid up to £11,773/year for his hard work, which he never showed up for according to the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards.
Number 1:
Jacqui Smith’s blue movies
You knew it was comming, Smith claimed 2 adult movies on her expenses at £5.99 each. State funded porn- I never thought I’d see the day. It’s horrifying using public money to pay for this, haven’t they ever heard of the internet?
So we got this little offensive t-shirt as our pick today..
Click here to buy one of these offensive t-shirts
Dead girls are one of lifes best guilty pleasures – she can still have a nice body even if her head has been ripped off right? Right? It’s a fact anyway, you ever heard a dead girl say “no“? Didn’t think so and if you did it was either a. gas escaping ..or.. b. you’re insane, go to the doctor, as soon as you’ve bought the t-shirt.
To celebrate this beautiful taboo of nailing the deceased the teesbox gang took a look at our songs we love to hate, in order of guilt:
Top 10 Guilty Pleasures of Rock
10. Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
Big hair, strange outfits, good song but you’ll never look cool listening to Bon Jovi, sorry.
9. Van Halen – Jump
We love Van Halen, seriously you rock, but David Lee Roth’s hit from 1984 is definatley some seriously cheesy hard rock. But tell me you don’t love it?
8. Nightwish – Nemo
How many other Finnish symphonic power metal band can you name? We love Nemo from the ‘Once’ Album, it’s the least pretentious of the lot, but that’s not saying much. I almost feel like I need to get my Opera glasses out just to listen to this one.
7. Iron Maiden – Number of The Beast
Any song by Iron Maiden will do, they’re all super heavy metal, but there’s something so nerdy about them. Maybe it’s the Eddie figure or the OTT “satanic” lyrics. We don’t know, but we’ll keep listening to them (on our headphones).
6. Sugar Ray – Every Morning
Released in 1999 and I still listen to this every now and then, quietly.
5. Creed – With Arms Wide Open
Creed surely should have done well, but no. Plagued with rumours of being a Christian Rock band, you can wave goodbye to your credibility if you’re caught listening to this guilty pleasure.
4. OPM – Heaven is a Half Pipe
I never got into skating, I’m not built for it, I can just about stand on a board that isn’t moving without falling off, but that ain’t much of a trick. Anway, yeah, we like this song, probably one of the lamest names in rock too, OPM? Oh, pleeeease.
3. Papa Roach – Last Resort
I’ve memories of wearing one of their hoodies once, it was quickly hidden away never to be seen again when I came to my sense. This attention whore song about suicide is worryingly good though, crank it up.. if you can face the humiliation.
2. Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag
If you have ever been, or are lucky enough to be a heavy metal lovin’ teenager this song will speak volumes to you. But you won’t look good listening to it, especially with those goofy sounds. Check out the tyre screeching noise when he sings about the car. *shudders*
1. Europe – The Final Countdown
At the end of our countdown, here’s this appropriately titled anthem. It’s hard to admit it, but it’s just so catchy that you’ll find yourself humming this cheesiest of tunes for days after listening to it. Let’s face it, listening to a Swedish Hard Rock band is never going to get the super models kickin’ your door down to get into your pants.
Dont forget to check out the rest of our t-shirts
Jackalope
Another exciting installement of t-shirts, today we look at a shirt that celebrates the biggest and prettiest pub in the world, Ireland.
Buy one of these offensive FECK t-shirts
Incidentally, any resemblance of the Feck irish connection t-shirts logo to any other logo’s (including fcuk) is purely coincidental.
To celebrate this offensive funny spoof t-shirt we thought we’d make a little list of some of the most humorous Father Ted eps, there’s too many to choose from, but here are a small selection of our favourites and most hilarious that come to mind:
A Song For Europe
A rip off of the bollocks that is the Eurovision Song Contest. If you’re lucky enough to be from Aus or the US you won’t probably have heard of Eurovision, think yourself lucky.. it’s lots of European countries voting for a shitty song to represent each one, no one votes for the UK ‘cos they hate us, and all the Eastern states are terrified of pissing Russia off and having their natural gas supplies disconnected so vote for them no matter how much they suck.
Anyway, Ted and Dougal write and sing the hilarious song that is “My Lovely Horse”, here’s the lyrics, YouTube the video or something, even if you’ve not seen this show you’ll love it!
My lovely Horse Lyrics:
“My Lovely Horse
Running through the.. field
Where are you going
With your fetlocks blowing
In the… wind
I want to shower you with sugar lumps
And ride you over…fences
I want to polish your hooves every single day
And bring you to the horse… dentist
My lovely horse
You’re a pony no… more
Running around
With a man on your back
Like a train in the night
Like a train in the… (hang on I can get this)… night!
Flight Into Terror
The priests are on a doomed plane ride, after the fuel pipe breaks it’s upto Ted to climb out of the plane to save everyone on board and seal the leaking line using Dougals Duty Free sticky tape dispenser.
New Jack City
After father Jack contracts ‘hairy hands syndrome’ he’s sent away much to Ted’s delight.. until he sees Jacks replacement, Father Fintan Stack, who loves tormenting Ted and playing jungle music on his ghetto blaster. Fortunatley for Ted and unfortunatley for Father Stack, he contracts Jacks hairy hands from his old chair, and all is put right.
Speed 3
A great spoof of those awful and horribly dated 90′s ‘Speed‘ movies, you know they’re on a bus and once they go over 50mph a bomb’s armed, and when they go under 50mph it blows up, personally I wish it had blown up, at least then we’d be rid of Ted “Theodore” Logan AKA Keanu Reeves. Well anyway this ep’s like that except instead of a bus it’s a milk float. The bomb becomes activated once the milkfloat reaches a mighty 4mph, and Ted, along with Father Beeching and Father Clarke has to think of a way of rescuing Dougal. Saying Mass, which was achieved by mounting an altar on a trailer attached to the back of a tractor, fails to help the hapless Dougal and watching The Poseidon Adventure, on the grounds that Gene Hackman plays a priest in it, doesn’t help much either. In the end, they use a brick that was Father Jack’s pet provides Dougal with the means to escape from the milkfloat by jamming it on the accelerator.
There’s too many to choose from, I haven’t even mentioned the one where they’re lost in the ladies underwear department or the Night of the Living Dead spoof one, we think you should watch them all anyway, along with Black Books it’s the most funny comedy Channel 4′s made.
Jackalope, SHOUT it with me…Feck, Drink, Arse, Girls!
Holy crap, that’s right – this is a health warning from a funny t-shirt company… It’s about our new killer friend Swine Flu, a type of influenza virus that killed 50 million folks in 1918, and 25 million in ’76, so if you see him walking (or driving his blue Hyundai with a five year warranty) down the street, you’d better avoid him, here’s a pic of the flu so you know what to look out for: 
Don’t fuck with him, he can give you a runny nose and sore throat, the 80 ish people who’ve caught it aren’t laughing, they’re coughing a bit. Notice how bright green he is? We don’t know why either. Perhaps it’s got some chlorophyll in it and is planning to mutate into nettle flu.
At Teesbox t-shirts we’re branching out into medicine, remember Bird Flu? And now Swine Flu? Well we’ve figured next on the list is Goat Flu.. we’re planning to get making it already so whilst you’re all still swabbing pig anus, we’ll be making goat flu money.
But we don’t want all you loyal customers reading this to pass away from a mild headache and sneezing fit before we get to the goat flu, so here are some tips to avoiding becoming a victim of the old swine flu:
Firstly, don’t get intimate with a pig, it’s tempting, we know, but don’t. Not even orally.
Secondly, and this is the important bit.. stay the hell away from everyone and everything. They’re all diseased wretches now. We wondered how we can help save humanity, and have decided it is our civic duty as good British citizens to give you a range of rude and sometimes offensive t-shirts to keep everyone well away from your heavenly body.
Click here to buy this offensive wanna buy a vowel t shirt
It’ll make you look too angry to approach, and therefore could save your life, better than drugs (maybe). 
Buy one of these offensive tees
If people think you’re wanting to kill them, they’re less likely to go near you and give you their nasty illness. If everyone had worn this in Raccoon City, we doubt there’d have been any problems. 
Click here to buy one of these offensive t-shirts
If you cant’ beat ‘em, join ‘em – maybe it’d be better if a few people went anyway? Cheer swine flu on with this offensive shirt. And finally, our favourite t-shirt for keeping everyone far, far away – where they belong..
Buy one of these offensive t-shirts
Stay healthy, and always wash your hands after playing with yourself. Jackalope, the paranoid pandemic rabbit of doom.
That’s right, yet another new t-shirt already. We think this offensive t-shirt is great, not only does it look cool but it will definitely help you stand out and get noticed. If you’re sick of feeling like some dumb, lame sheep or just think you’re not getting even half the attention you deserve then this t shirts definitely for you..
Buy one of these offensive t-shirts
Why bother with some more subtle message when you can just wear this and get straight to the point? All fashion is, is just a way of getting people to notice you and we guarantee that this shirt will do that!
This offensive t-shirt is available in 5 great colours, but red (pictured above) is clearly the best and our favourties, ‘cos it’s the brightest and most eye catching colour. Like all our t-shirts it comes in 7 different sizes from ladies size 10 fitted and small right through to XXL. The t-shirts are 100% cotton for a smooth, high quality texture and is preshrunk and double stitched for extra durability to survive all your antics and mischief. Postage is free within the UK and cheap for the rest of the world.
Jackalope, the unsubtle t- shirt lovin’ spring rabbit
