IN at no. 3.

It’s funny cos its true, 9 out of 10 bus users are al qaeda members, the rest are just jerks.
Click here to check it out in more detail.

2.

click here to check it out in full
If you love shocking people and looking good then this is the shirt for you! Jiggling breasts might be pretty hot by themselves, but combined with a high pitched shrill of a rape victim they are even better.

1. our fave offensive tee;

An all time classic, that gets straight to the point. It’s not one to wear round to your Nan’s house that’s for sure.
Buy it here.

That’s the lot folks. If you’re into REALLY offensive t-shirts and want a whole site dedicated to them we suggest checking out our new sister site, dedicated to all you sicko’s out there – Offensive T-shirts UK which, if you can’t guess is a UK based site full of rude and offensive shirts at great prices.

Enjoy! Jackalope

In at number 3:

Don’t you just hate it when you see someone from your past, like from school or something and they see you and run up to you all excited, chat for 2 mins and then say:
“Dude, you used to be cool!?!”
Eugh, seriously, no I didn’t. Losers. For more details go here

Umero Numero 2?

Do you miss floppy disks? Or snigger at there lowly 1.44mb capacity. If so then this is the t-shirt for you my friend. It’s a little rude, but in a geeky way. Who knows maybe some fine lady will want to see if you hae any other 3.5″ floppies on your person (Like stashed in the soles of your shoes with a couple of SNES Roms and a midi file of the Wombles theme tune all hidden safely away). Huzzah! See here for more details on this nerd t-shirt

And the big ONE…

It’s the classic…

Screw GUI’s, long live DOS, there was atime typing away with clever stuff on your PC (or should i say IBM compatible personal computer) made you look cool..ish. Show your nerdy ways with this hilarious t-shirt, it’s a good way to make friends (and probably enemies aka bullies) too – the people the understand the gag will enjoy it. Check it out here

Why have a 6 pack, when you can have a barrel?
Click here for details and to order this shirt. It’s great for going boozing in too, so you can’t go wrong.
I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat
Click for info on this t-shirt
You might think it’s just for women, but I disagree, it’s as (if not more) hilarious on men as it is on women, or mixed genders, or whatever other options there are of gender out there .
I’m chubby and it hurts to run t-shirts:

I’m chubby t-shirts, buy ‘em here.

I see this guy running near home all the time, well ‘jogging’ ifyou want to be pedantic, and he’s huge, sweating like a P I G and looking like he hates every second of it, so this t-shirts inspired for him, and created for everyone out there like him. If you’re not the most athletic person on the planet and you’re jogging to save yourself from the Doritos based heart attack which is almost inevitable then buy this shirt now.
Na na na na na BATMAN!
This shirt says it all. Plus it picks on Batman, don’t you just loathe his right wing ass? Running some massive corp which is fuelling his super hero fetish and keeping petty thieves of the streets, why don’t you pick on the corporate whores an mega tycoons out there you fascist fuck!

If you need to buy this shirt in extra extra large we congratulate you, you really thrashed that stupid disease! Click here to buy

Smile if you screw fat guys t-shirts
Fat? Get smiled at? Then this is the shirt for you me thinks. Maybe they’ll feel obliged to sleep with you after grinning and reading your shirt, or at least giving you a blowjob. Buy it here!

SO here goes:

slogan number five:

Well, what can we say about this one? It’s for ladies only, unless you’re a dude with problems. It’s a beauty in my opinion, for anyone that appreciates a little irony, having “stop looking at my boobs” written across ones tits is about as ironic as you get. Oh, and as guys, we know all ladies secretly love you looking at them, why else would they ever display clevage if it wasn’t there to be enjoyed see?

slogan number four:

Now, I hope this one’s self explanitory, but I also know some of you reading this are probably pretty slow, but I’m still not explaining it.

slogan number three:

Get it? This t-shirt only comes in 2 colours, pale blue and navy blue, and it says “this shirts only blue if i’m thinking about breasts”, so consequently wearing this meens you’re always thinking about them. And who can blame you? Not us.

slogan number two:

So this slogan’s a bit more offensive than the funny ones above it, but don’t you love this t-shirt? I suspect if you trying wearing it, you really won’t look like a people person, which is great, no having to stand up for crusty old ladies on the bus, no having to be polite to some loser who thinks you’re their best buddy, it’s bliss.

and finally

the number one funny slogan t-shirt is…

It’ll make you and everyone around you laugh. I’m not sure if it’s a terrible choice of t-shirts to wear on a first date, or a hilarious one, try it and let us know.
All I can say is… Wine them, dine them, take them back to yours fo “coffee”, spread those legs real wide apart and release your wonderful smell and ruptuous noise. They’ll love it. Maybe.

A couple in Nigeria have been fined after they were caught having intercourse in church by their local pastor. Pastor Gbenga Akhiomu demanded that Tolu Akintepe, 30 and his 28-year-old wife Bunmi pay the equivilent of £100 for damages due to desecrating the altar at the Pentecostal church in the Lagos suburb of Ikeja.
He also asked the pair to clean the [cum off of the]altar and pray to God for forgiveness.
They told judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa: “My wife was always saying she wanted us to spice up our sex life in an unusual way.
“I thought it would be thrilling if we did it in the church, having the big guy upstairs watching us. I thought it was a little adventurous. I told my wife, and she loved the idea.”

The judge ordered the couple to pay the £100 compensation and to clean the church for the next week have more respect for religious institutions.

If I’d have known there’s sexy stuff in church (aside from getting a pervy glimps of the virgin Mars breasts every now and then) maybe I’d attend once in a while.
Check out all our funny and offensive t-shirts
Next funny news:

Offensive named town should cash in

Residents of Wank, a small town between Nesselwang and Fussen in Germany have hailed the tourism brought by the obscene name and advised the Austrian village of Fucking to take advantage of its potential. The name Fucking is over 800 years old and originated from when a local family moved in and owned the area “the Fuck family” or “the Fucking family”.

The mayor of Fucking recently complained about the negative attention that its name brought it and said that “there’s nothing funny about a town called Fucking to us”. The owner of the Wank Guesthouse, said: “The people in Fucking should cash in on their fame. I have so many visitors here at the guest house that we have the mattresses all in a line in one big room for people to sleep on.
“Otherwise, we couldn’t fit everybody in. If the name helps to bring the tourists in, then why not cash in on it?”

A local tourism spokesman of the hamlet, which borders the market town of Nesselwang, added: “There are postcards on sale although many people prefer to take their own holiday snaps standing beside ‘Welcome to W**k signs’.”

Haha, the Fuck family! I wouldn’t mind havng a bit of one on one time with Ms. Fucking though that’s for sure, what could we get upto?

Click here to buy one of these offensive middle finger t-shirts.

I did a little research and was suprised to read that the finger is a thousands of years old gesture. The ancient Romans reffered to giving the finger to some one as “digitus impudicus”. There are many variations too, those of you who are also from the UK will know the V sign (with the palm pointed away from the person you’re aiming it at) meens the same thing as the finger, in Russia the equivient of the finger is bending the arm upwards – can’t imagine how that’d work, like everytime you scratch your head you’d be offensive to everyone, and this is my favourite, in some Afrian countries the typical hand gesture used is rasing all five of your fingers (or fingers and thumb if you want to be picky and lame), it meens you have five fathers, aka you’re a bastard. Pretty churlish, I like it. I always liked that thing in Romeo and Juliet with the “I bite my thumb at you, sir” thing, it has a range of meanings, that the person getting bitten at is gay, that they should go to hell or they’re a coward. It’s all good anyway.
So even if you think this t-shirt sucks, check out the rest of our funny t-shirts, otherwise we’ll do some of our own hand gestures towards you.

It comes in 5 different colours, each and every one is billiant with this t-shirt, I’d pick navy blue, but that’s me. Yeah, if you bring the room down with a thud then this is the t-shirt for you! I’m sure there’s one or two goth’s and emo’s and stuff out there too who should be wearing this thing. Self-mockery is never a bad thing. Notice the word “fuck” in there, if you’re still of school age, why not wear it in class one day, see if you can get kicked out (AKA a day off for free), if you do remember to send us your teachers name so we can publically humiliate them on the ol’ internet for being too lame to get the funny side of this t-shirt.
And if you’re not ito this shirt (which you should be, we all like it, so should you) we’ve got something for everyone on our t-shirts homepage.

Click here to buy one of these rude t-shirts right now!

I wasn’t sure what to say on this one, but old wikipedia helped me out as per usual, check out the table below, and see how generous your testicles are:

Note 1 – Ejaculate is jellylike and fails to liquify.
Note 2 – Most samples liquify. Some remain jellylike.
Note 3 – Ejaculate liquifies within an hour.

Haha jelly like It’s a pity it doesn’t have ages on rather than just time after blowing your load for the first time, but if you haven’t noticed yourself, it decreases from then on, here’s a wiki quote to prove it:
The force and amount of semen that will be ejected during an ejaculation will vary widely between men and may contain between 0.1 and 11 milliliters.

I reckon I produce about 50 milliliters, maybe more. It’s kinda like a supersoaker except the pumping action is more interesting, and it’s not for kids! so yes, get buying this new rude t-shirt, maybe if you go and donate some sperm the nurse at the clinic will be so impressed with the message on your shirt she’ll want to come and watch you, or maybe even help a little.